We're not going on the cruise. Most likely. And I had gotten my hopes up, ruminating about how to make little snags work. But it seems highly unlikely at this point. I mean, there's a slim chance, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

Hope is work.

Hope is draining.

Hope hurts when it disappoints.

And I'm suddenly tired.

But it's entirely because I was focused on this goal so intently for three days. And other things that are getting me down, too. That are just as insignificant.

So, instead of letting the disappointment and depression and blahs pull me down, I'm going to go shower and get ready for the day and read and do yoga and work a little bit.

And snuggle Zoe.

Cause snuggling Zoe never fails to beat back the blahs.

0630-0730 Meditation
0730-0830 Breakfast Sandwich, Shower
0900-1015 Shakti Yoga for Women with Yvette
1130-1230 Salmon Salad
1230-1530 Afternoon Activity
1530-1600 Cottage Cheese and Raw Veggies
1600-1700 Yin Yoga
1730-1845 All Levels Vinyasa with Virginia
1930-2030 Sweet Pea and Onion Risotto
2100-2200 Bath, Bed

I slept all day today. So day two is tomorrow. Instead of today. Yeah...

0700-0800 Meditation
0800-0900 Banana Soy Milkshake, Shower
0900-1030 Grocery Shopping
1030-1130 Yin Yoga
1200-1300 Yoga Express with Sara
1300-1400 Smoked Trout on Pumpernickel
1400-1500 Grocery Shopping, if needed
1500-1600 Coffey Appointment
1630-1730 Poached Salmon with Lemon-Caper Sauce
1730-1830 Drive to Greensboro
1830-1900 Warm Up
1900-2100 VIEWPOINTS Workshop with Duane Cyrus
2100-2200 Drive to Durham
2200-2300 Bath, Bed

Sunday night I ran out to the grocery store and purchased enough essentials to make the banana soy milkshake breakfast, the smoked trout on pumpernickel lunch, and the crackers and mozarella cheese snack.

My afternoon activity today is grocery shopping for dinner today as well as the four eateries until Thursday afternoon when I'll purchase the rest of the week's supplies.

And an appointment with my therapist.

Not all the activities will be pampering ones.

Here's to a week of centering, pampering and healing.

Fresh Produce

banana
blood oranges
cantaloupe
strawberries
cucumber
beefsteak tomato
baby carrots
green bell pepper
red lettuce
red onion
plums
red boston or romaine lettuce
tomato
mango
baby spinach
broccoli
soybeans (frozen)
scallions
16oz bag frozen pearl onions
whole fennel
garlic cloves
peas

Bread

whole grain bread
oat-bran english muffins
whole wheat pita
pumpernickel bread
rye bread
sourdough bread

Meat

eggs
lean ham
smoked trout / salmon
canned salmon
soy bacon
5 oz salmon fillet

Dairy / Juice / Drinks

light vanilla soy milk
calcium fortified orange juice
grapefruit juice
soy cheese
low sodium tomato juice
lowfat strawberry yogurt
herbal tea
fat-free garden-vegetable cream cheese
nonfat sour cream
frozen apple juice concentrate
4 oz soft goat cheese
lowfat cottage cheese

Spices / Herbs / Cooking

curry powder
cumin
cilantro
fat-free mayo
baby dill
horseradish
balsamic vinegar
red wine vinegar
salt and pepper
dijon mustard
lemon juice
drained capers
olive oil
sun-dried tomato pesto
non-stick cooking spray
4c vegetable broth
fresh mint or basil
dry vegetable dip mix

Other

firm tofu
all-fruit preserves
wheat germ
hummus
fat free lentil soup
instant brown rice
frozen fruit bars
quinoa
millet
cashews
Arborio (short-grain) rice

So... I entered this contest, as some of you may know, that seems to be more like a viral campaign or social experiment than actual "fair" contest, but I reviewed the rules today and found some interesting points:

m) The selection will take place in two stages.

a. In the first round the entries will be assessed by the Internet public, who may vote for the best profiles uploaded by the Entrants. The first one hundred top votes by the Internet public (the "Finalists") will not only receive the prize indicated in point 4, but will be short-listed for the second stage of selection. For this purpose a special software program with a counter will keep an exact record of all the votes received by the closing day of voting.

b. In the second stage of selection a jury, consisting of leading professionals from the world of advertising, photography and communications, will select the twenty winning Finalists (the "Winners"). In judging the photographs and videos submitted by the Entrants, the criteria used by the judges will take into account, by way of example but not limited thereto, the style's personality, skill in expression of new tendencies, presence and consistency with the brand image. The decisions of the jury are final.

There is a HUGE focus right now on fake voters / cheaters who are ballooning into the top one hundred with thousands of votes per day, but it isn't important, according to the rules.

Per the rules, the top one hundred will get short listed, sure, but then they're going to look over the rest of the entries as well. I'll venture to guess that they're going to pay specific attention to those featured in the blog posts on the contest site, those that have particularly caught the IMT team's eye, as those are the most likely to catch the Benetton casting panels as well.

Or not.

But a review of the rules has left me feeling somewhat less pressured to collect votes and just keep doing with I do - be myself. And we'll see where the chips may land when they fall.

Or however that saying goes.

I really want to "get away" with P and I was thinking cruise because it's easy to find something to do with activities happening at all hours to accommodate both of us.

But.

What if I freak out on a boat? Can't exactly pack up and leave. And cruises are really effing expensive. Fifty bucks and up per night, depending on how long the cruise is, where it's going, et cetera.

So we're staying home.

But.

I've designed a little yoga retreat for myself and Pontus is going to join me where ever he likes. A sample day:

0630-0730 Meditation
0730-0830 Breakfast Sandwich, Shower
0900-1015 Shakti Yoga for Women with Yvette
1130-1230 Salmon Salad
1230-1530 Afternoon Activity
1530-1600 Cottage Cheese and Raw Veggies
1600-1700 Yin Yoga
1730-1845 All Levels Vinyasa with Virginia
1930-2030 Sweet Pea and Onion Risotto
2100-2200 Bath, Bed

The rest of the schedule is over here.

I'm thinking I'd like more options for activities. And I'd like to start this Monday. Pending how I feel tomorrow / Sunday.

Because I took a yoga class yesterday, power yoga. And another yoga class today, all levels vinyasa. And I'll take another one tomorrow morning, basic / intermediate vinyasa.

And if I want to kill myself Sunday?

I might want to hold off on this retreat for another week or two while I build up my strength and endurance.

I'll let ya know.

stuff from yesterday

pay bills
grocery shopping
do the dishes
eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner
drink eight glasses of water
take totally voluntary vitamins

enjoy massage
treadmill a bit
5:30 vinyasa yoga @ blue point

homework

convince around three thousand people to register and vote for me on it's my time so i can be one of the next twenty benetton models even though i'm thoroughly convinced that it's actually a viral marketing campaign or a tremendous social experiment and it makes me laugh lots

sign up and vote

Totally ran across this modeling contest.

Totally entered it.

Totally would love for you to register and vote for me.

Totally only have five days to get 8k plus votes.

Totally.

check rh email
start brisbane blog(s)

drink eight glasses of water
eat breakfast @ 1
eat lunch @ 4
eat dinner @ 7

organize retreat week
organize the bedroom closets
research bedroom, office ideas
measure rooms / windows / doors

thirty minutes of treadmill
thirty minutes of stretching
5:30 ashtanga yoga at blue point

unload the dishwasher
clean the kitchen
wash, dry, fold, put away laundry
organize the house
vacuum living room rug
sweep living room, guest room

shower, get ready for the day
bath, get ready for bed

1. Run water until it's hotter than *you'd* like it. Since this is a soak in the tube, it needs to be way way hotter than Rain'd like it.

2. Inflate the bath pillow 3/4s full and attach to the wall opposite the faucet. The pillow should rest over the point where the wall and the bath meet.

3. Add around a teaspoon of Monoi Miracle Oil to the bath via the running water. Add three drops of Divine Calm Essential Oil to the bath via the running water. Add around a cup of bath salts (either the orange or the white, not both) to the bath. Stir the bath.

4. Put the stool between the toilet and the tub, place a bath towel and Rain's reading material on the stool.

5. Place candles along the window sill, back of the toilet, sink, and corner of the tub near the faucet. Light all the candles.

6. Put the following products in the corners of the tub near the bath pillow: Origins Clear Improvement Active charcoal mask to clear pores, Pure Detox Clarifying Clay Mask, Peppermint Smooching Pumice Foot Scrub, Spa Wisdom Africa Spa Salt Scrub, Yes to Carrots C the Body Carrot Rich Moisturizing Body Scrub, pair of white exfoliation gloves, pumice stone (small white rectangle thing).

7. Plug in and turn on the small heater.

8. Tell Rain it's time for her bath. Ask if she needs anything else.

Monday :: Private Modern :: Juralewicz
Tuesday :: Adult Hip Hop :: CC&Co
Wednesday :: Adult Ballet :: Barriskill
Thursday :: Vinyasa Yoga :: Blue Point
Friday :: Integrative Massage :: Shell
Saturday :: Hip Hop Pilates :: Bullock
Sunday :: Restorative Yoga :: Blue Point

Until further notice. Of course.

We're having a family emergency over here. I'm not at liberty to divulge the details.

But I need my outlet.

So I'm going to be making vague statements over the next couple of weeks, months, maybe years.

And they may be really hard for me to say. Maybe really hard for you to hear.

But I'm going to say them anyway.

And I'm not going to reply to questions. Or say more than I need to. Or reply to questions.

So don't ask.

No matter what I say.

Vaguely.

0600 :: Up, three almonds and a bite of dried fruit, glass of water.

0615 :: Cardio, walking, running, treadmill, elliptical.

0715 :: Glass of water. Breakfast, glass of water.

0800 :: Shower, teeth, face, hair, dress.

0900 :: Medicine. Glass of water. Meditation. Yin Yoga. Vinyasa.

1015 :: Morning snack. Gatorade.

1100 :: Fun thing.

1315 :: Lunch. Glass of water.

1615 :: Afternoon snack. Gatorade.

1800 :: Strength training, pilates, belly dance drills.

1915 :: Dinner. Glass of water.

2100 :: Medicine. Glass of water. Teeth, floss, face, prep for tomorrow morning. Evening tea.

2200 :: Bed.

Goals for the Weekend:

1. Clean and organize.
   • bedroom
   • guestroom
   • living room
   • kitchen
   • sunroom
   • bathroom
2. Take out the trash.
3. Sweep.
4. Dishes. All of them.
5. Laundry. All of it. Put away, even.
6. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
7. Eight to ten glasses of water.
8. Cardio, yin yoga, weight training. It is Saturday, after all.
9. Rewrite 101 in 1001 goals. Post.
10. Catch up on correspondance.
11. Farewell to Jacque without crying. Or depression.

That last one promises to be a doozy.

This statue was a memorial to a turtle who died just a few years ago, having lived her entire life in the zoo, to the ripe old age of one hundred seventy something or some such.

So we climbed on it and took pictures.

Photos by James "Doc" Livingston

This little bugger made a certain co-worker, who shall remain nameless, but has the initials JB, run screaming like a little girl.

Too easy!



Photos by James "Doc" Livingston

It will eat yer effin' face off. No worries!

Photos by James "Doc" Livingston

This story, like the wallaby feeding, is totally self explanatory and requires no text. But you should note that you're not allowed to eat THESE kangaroos. The zoo doesn't like it. Yells at you, in fact. Takes away your knife and fork.

Rude.







Photos by James "Doc" Livingston

ZOMG PRECIOUS!! !

But they wouldn't let us pet them. Or feed them. Or eat them. Or throw rocks at them. Totally annoying.

EDIT: James corrected me - they're Red Pandas. Know it all.

Photos by James "Doc" Livingston

Oh, hai.

Did I forget to mention? I'm headed to Australia.

Tomorrow.

TOMORROW!! !

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!111 one

And I haven't packed. At all. Thankfully, I've done this before, so, based on the last time I backpacked to Japan, adjusted per the season (it's summer down under), our experiences (we NEVER used our medical kits and totally could've gotten away with jeans the entire trip), and the reason for the trip (job - staying in a corporate apartment a majority of the time) I present, the list:

Clothes:
- tee shirts
- party top
- tank tops
- jeans
- dance pants
- dance shorts
- dance top
- silk thermals (top and bottom)
- underwear
- long socks
- anklet socks
- bathing suit
- fingerless long gloves
- fleece overcoat
- hoodie
- raincoat

Shoes:
- hiking boots
- flip flops

Toiletries:
- face wash, acne cream, moisturizer (w/sunscreen)
- toothpaste, toothbrush (with cover)
- deoderant
- minimal makeup (powder, liner, mascara)
- hair glue
- clippers, file, tweezers
- contacts

Electronic:
- digital camera (charger, memory cards, firewire)
- laptop (charger, battery, cat)
- ipod (charger)

Other stuff:
- viscose towel
- plastic ziplock bags
- sunglasses
- necklace

The goal is at least one hour of exercise a day, with some combination of cardio six times a week and weight training three times a week and stretching twice a week.

The reality is pretty damn close, but I'm still tweaking because, for example, on Monday I have a lot of enthusiasm for working out because I took Sunday off.* But Friday morning is the morning after Thursday night when I go out with the gang from work and have a Guiness and half a fry wrap for dinner.

(It's only, like, 2000 calories. Shoosh.)

I'm lucky if I get to bed on time on Thursday night, let alone wake up in time for breakfast. Beer + massive fried calories = bleh.

After two weeks in a row of bleh on Friday morning, I'm thinking I need to cut out that Thursday night habit until I get my Friday mornings under control. And, in light of the last two weeks of experimenting with these exercise goals and my day to day enthusiasm, when I start The Best Life Diet on Monday, this will be my schedule:

M :: cardio (30), weight training (30)
T :: cardio (30), yin yoga (30), hip hop (60)
W :: cardio (30), pilates (45)
T :: cardio (30), belly dance (45)
F :: cardio (30), yin yoga (30)
S :: cardio (30), weight training (30), yin yoga (60)
S :: rest

TOTALS
cardio :: 240 mins 6x (cardio, hip hop)
strength :: 150 mins 4x (weight training, pilates, belly dance)
stretch :: 120 mins 2x (yin yoga)

And by belly dance, I mean belly dance drills, not choreography - since that's pretty much yoga and vertical crunches, it's considered weight training.

wh00t!

I may tweak this further still, but we'll see. In the past two weeks of experimenting with this schedule I've lost four pounds. Pretty schweet, eh?

* "Off" means I still exercise, but it's a long walk in Duke forest or gardens. Or something equally active yet fun.

1. Why are you overweight?

I'm... not. But why am I out of shape? Because I'm not dancing anymore. Because I'm not doing kung fu either.

Because I never learned how to eat healthy. Because eating junk food is easier - more convenient. Because I have the world's biggest sweet tooth. Because my metabolism always allowed me to eat MASS quantities of anything. Because I'm getting old and my metabolism has WOAH slowed.

Because doing the treadmill every morning is boring.

Because I can only be disciplined for short bursts which isn't disciplined at all. Because healthy food is inconvenient. Because my husband eats whatever he wants in front of me. Because being out of shape is easier than being in shape. Because everyone else thinks I'm skinny.

Because I'm not overweight, I'm just out of shape - that's a lot harder to fight than being hideously obese. And a lot less societally supported.

2. Why do you want to lose weight?

Because I can - I can go as low as one eighteen and still be within healthy BMI for my height. And I'm curious about what I looked like back in the day.

And I want my muscles to show again. I want to be strong. And hard. And cut.

Because I'm sick of "breezing by" - I've always taken the easy road when it comes to my body. Staying skinny cause I happened to dance so much, but eating what I want.

It's more than I want to learn to eat healthy and stay active for my own reasons than lose weight - "losing weight" will simply be a bonus.

3. Why have you been unable to maintain weight loss in the past?

I forget to eat and then I'm ZOMGFAMISHEDEATEVERYTHINGINSIGHT!! ! Or I start throwing up if my stomach gets particularly empty. Awesome times.

And I'm a complete sucker for icing. And sugar. And salt. And sour. And spice. I really like food.

And exercising is boring. Plain jane exercising - running on the treadmill or through the forest - is boring.

I'm unrealistic about goals and then get depressed that I'm not meeting them and then I eat junk and sit around the house. Or I'm overwhelmed by too many activities (freelance, hobbies, etc) and get stressed and eat junk and hide under a rock. I let stress and depression control me. And while it has much less control over me than it used to - it's still costing me my six pack.

And I want my six pack, damnit.

This morning's activities included thirty minutes of cardio on the treadmill and twenty minutes of strength training. And by strength training I mean using body weight or two pound free weights in six very basic moves.

This morning's breakfast is steel cut oatmeal made with skim milk and splenda, cinnamon, blueberries and almonds. And the daily supplement. And lots of water.

I realized yesterday that I only have two more weeks on the Perricone Prescription and it's been way too strict. So I went out and bought a book and journal I looked at earlier this weekend - The Best Life Diet. Which isn't just about eating right, but exercising, too, which is my goal.

The third part of that 'diet', though, is to look into *why* you're eating habits or laziness is "out of control" - i.e. - emotional eating. And solve that, too. It asks some great questions:

1. Why are you overweight?

2. Why do you want to lose weight?

3. Why have you been unable to maintain weight loss in the past?

The superficial answers are, um, I'm not. Cause I'll be prettier. Cause I get bored.

But the deeper reasons are something to ponder. In future posts. I'm going to think about it. And eat my oatmeal.

Yup, that's the damage - two point four pounds. Not bad, really. I was thinking five, ten pounds, at least.

Well, maybe not ten pounds.

But this morning? Thirty minutes of cardio, thirty minutes of yoga and tribal fusion. Two eggs with cheese for breakfast. Quick stop at Whole Foods for the day's foods - mock chicken curry, bulgar salad, raspberries, and strawberries. Tonight I had lentil soup and sour dough bread with smart balance.

Today's sins - hot cocoa, fun size milky way, fun size m&m's, and three rolos.

I had so little sleep last night that today was surreal. I was entirely shocked when I bounced out of bed this morning at FIVE FORTY FIVE.

Did I mention I went to bed at one? That the cats were so happy to see us that they purred and meow'd and walked on us all night?

So despite my incredible start today, tomorrow remains to be seen.

The short version is that so much has happened over here in Leanderville that has been incredibly personal and unpublishable AND I'm so incredibly busy with work and such that I haven't been too inclined to write. Here.

But Pontus and I just went on a vacation. An entire week. On the beach. And I ate and ate and ate and ate.

Yesterday, for example, we slept until eleven ish, packed, showered, and raced over to eastern Florida to meet Jacque for dinners at six. We grabbed Burger King on the way there. And then stopped for hot fresh now Krispy Kreme. And then ate at Cracker Barrel with the Jacques.

So in the course of three hours I ate onion rings with super awesome onion ring sauce, three burger king sliders (mini-burgers), some orange soda, FIVE krispy kreme donuts, and half a massive salad with chicken, apples, bacon, bleu cheese, candied pecans, iceburg lettuce, and craisins.

In three hours.

I won't mention that we grabbed snacks on the drive up to Atlanta. Mentos and a Heath Bar. And stopped at our beloved Georgia Diner for a late late dinner around midnight. Egg salad and fries.

I won't mention it.

OH! The next morning we discovered the Cafe Mozart Bakery across the street from our Holiday Inn in Duluth. It's almost exactly like the French-inspired bakeries Jacque and I were entirely addicted to in Japan. Pontus and I ate a banana tart, a buttercream roll, a cream cheese danish, a mystery pastry filled with mashed potatoes, onions, carrots, and green peppers, a coffee, and a white hot cocoa.

The point is that HOLY BEJESUS - I gained ten pounds in a week. Well, maybe not ten. But lots. And here's the plan of action.

Monday: thirty minutes cardio, thirty minutes yin yoga

Tuesday: ten minutes cardio, thirty minutes weight training, ten minutes cardio

Wednesday: thirty minutes cardio, forty-five minutes pilates

Thursday: ten minutes cardio, forty five minutes of yoga and belly dance, ten minutes cardio

Friday: ten minutes cardio, thirty minutes weight training, ten minutes cardio

Saturday: thirty minutes cardio, thirty minutes yin yoga

Sunday: rest

I'm going to get back on board with the Perricone prescription eating plan (focus on fish, berries, and veggies, and lots of water), burst out of bed tomorrow morning with cardio and yoga and belly dancing.

And at some point this weekend I'm going to sign up for one hip hop class and one tribal fusion belly dance class. Cause I'm dancing again.

A little bit.

I know, I know. It's been ten forevers since I've updated this thing.

The short version.

• I'm healthy.
• I landed the job at Red Hat over 90 days ago.
• I passed the Red Hat Certified Engineer on April 24th - my second try.
• I've been on the phones since shortly after.
• I love my job.
• And my job loves me.
• While in training for the RHCE, tho, I was incredibly busy studying for said RHCE - too busy to update my blogs. Or breathe.
• I'm studying kung fu again. Loving it.
• I'm freelancing again. Loving it.
• Pontus earned his PhD. He starts his PostDoc next week. And teaching. July will be full.
• Mom's coming to live with us for two weeks while R is at summer camp near Asheville.

Life's definitely an adventure right now. A big, beautiful, lovely adventure.

Hope you're doing well, too.

Ah, see, I'm very boring again, because, see, I'm just studying Linux. Lots of Linux. All the time Linux.

Because when I start RHCE bootcamp on Wednesday, March eighteenth (because the first two days at Red Hat will be orientation), I want to be ahead of where I am now. As much as possible. And, as a total Linux n00b, I need all the help I can get.

So I'm studying my virtual ass off.

Pretty much, here at the Leander house, we're busy as hell. Pontus is finishing up his dissertation. The big one. He defends in early April. And I'm about to do the hardest intellectual endeavor of my life - even the MENSA tests were easier than this thing. Yeah. Woah.

So don't call us, we'll call you. Until late April.

linux.org | red hat | rhce | duke university

The extreme cold meant no weighing oneself and a complete sapping to work out and eating everything in sight to survive the winter. This is Rain's Winter Instinct. Yesterday our heater was fixed (bad motor. bad. no cookie.) and by last night we were actually sweating in the living room because we had a log in the fireplace AND the heater set to 72.

Damn right.

I actually exercised last night. Thirty minutes of interval treadmillin'. Go me. Which is probably how I woke up at my weight today. Because there was DEFINITELY the eating of PASTA and TACOS and QUESO DIP. Not all yesterday, just over the past few days with the heater NOT WORKING.

I realize that sure, Pontus whined the loudest and insisted on the heater being fixed first, but I completely shut down. Because little things like the laundry actually got started yesterday. Started, but not finished because there are five loads worth. Now only three, but still. I also did dishes. And straightened up the great room and the bedroom. Y'know, the little things.

It's good to have some heat.

101 in 1001 : we have heat : cwj heating and air conditioning : rain's food and exercise journal

The HVAC is fixed to the tune of a couple hundred dollars. We waited until yesterday to call someone, they had to order a part, it arrived today, they fixed it. Thirty minutes of work.

If you have any HVAC needs and live in the Triangle area, please do give CWJ Heating and Air Conditioning a call. They were incredibly honest, answered all of our questions, and didn't surprise us with any junk fees. It wasn't $80-$100 just to come do a diagnosis, it was just $97.50 to come WORK.

Plus there's a thirty day guarantee - anything happens, they come back out, bam.

They're number is 919.383.2490.

Tell them the Leanders sent ya.

So I quit my job on Friday.

I had enough.

I'm going to write up the gory details later today, but the short of it is, I snapped.

Saturday we woke up freezing - our HVAC was broken. Heating bills are paid for, but the HVAC doesn't think it's cold. We busted out the space heaters, turned on the oven and bundled up. It's been okay. Except that I paid off the power bills which ate up my checking account. We went grocery shopping and bought staples.

I freaked out. At Target. It wasn't pretty.

I busted out the resume, organized my references and posted everything, publicly, online - monster, careerbuilder, linkedin, plurk, facebook.

Monday morning there was money in my checking account. My final paycheck. I couldn't take a shower all morning because people kept calling me about jobs. I scheduled two interviews for today - one of which is the final step in the iContact opportunity.

And Red Hat called. I didn't post anything, but Thursday afternoon's interview with them was brutal. Literally left me in tears.

They called to offer me the job.

The roller coaster ride is over. And while the RH thing doesn't start until March sixteenth, I've got plenty of freelance to last until then.

Holy hell, what a ride.

(Yes, I got into Mark's performance. No, there's no pay. But the performance is that the Durham Performance Arts Center - a brand spankin' new incredible multi-million dollar performance space, and the rehearsals are a series of workshops, about one every two months until the performance in June. So I'm doin' it.)

The universe has been shoving running down my throat for a few months now:

• I watched 'Run, Fatboy, Run' the other day.
• A coworker runs marathons.
• A previous coworker ran track and field - on scholarship - for NCState.
• I just discovered her blog. Inspiring stuff.
• During the audition, we ran around the entire building, up two flights, across three floors - I was the only one who kept up the pace the whole time and wasn't even mildly winded.

I've been treadmilling for... over a year now? Longer? Less? At first, with a heartrate monitor, but my heart isn't an issue so much anymore - it's in much better shape.

And I saw all this because I'm making a re-commitment to get in shape. For realsies this time, tho. With the eating right and the exercise and the dedication.

Like in the picture.

That's my goal.

Today I got up at 6:45 and ran for thirty minutes (J says you need to run for AT LEAST thirty minutes IN A ROW), at my lunch at my desk and went to the nearby park for an hour - walked around the lake and did all the exercise stations - and I ate almonds and dried fruit for breakfast, yogurt for a morning snack and a lean pocket for lunch. And I'm drinking water. TONS OF WATER.

It's not fitness model obsession ("obsession is a word used by lazy people to describe the dedicated"), but it's a good start for me. Especially since I've been sick.

But it's a start.

run, janelle, run || thin enough to go to the gym || that's fit || diet blog

You may think it's not true, but I have been thinking about blogging, writing, memoirs, and such almost every day. I'm just busy as hell. (And I'm not gonna take it anymore!)

(Kidding.)

(Only one person is actually going to GET that.)

I haven't blogged, here or in livejournal, anything of substance since... December? But really, well before that. And I'm not sure why. When I first started blogging, especially HERE - on rainsdance.com, not livejournal, I got into a daily habit of it. People would call or email, worried, if I didn't post. Because every morning, I'd get up, turn on my laptop and post.

I'd also read a series of blogs every morning. And other daily habits that I've completely fallen out of. Like crunches. And treadmilling. And most recently, kung fu. I haven't been to kung fu in two weeks.

And dance.

You know how I retired? Not so retired. I mean, I am, but I'm not. I'm taking class with N and T over at Duke. Twice a week. It's no big deal.

But I'm also going to attend a workshop this weekend. That happens to be an audition. For choreographer Mark Dendy. Which, I suppose, used to be the kind of thing that intimidated, but now, if I were to 'make it', I'd ask all kinds of annoying questions like, "How much time is involved for rehearsals? For the performance?" and "What's the pay?" and "Can I get back to you?"

It's a brave new world.

With brave new rains bloggin' all over the place.

rainsdance.com || livejournal || mark dendy || i used to dance

I am going to be on WUNC / National Public Radio's The State of Things today at noon. For being laid off. And successfully landing a job shortly thereafter.

http://wunc.org/tsot/archive/sot1216abc08.mp3/view
http://wunc.org/tsot/archive/sot1216abc08.mp3

And all through the grocery stores, every creature was stirring, including the Leanders.

There's nothing quite so pleasure-able as grocery shopping the day before Thanksgiving. Except maybe Christmas shopping the day after Thanksgiving. Which I have managed to avoid the entire thirty-two years of my short little life.

I was at work today. And yesterday. And Monday. And finishing up a freelance contract last night. And the night before. And the night before. So all preparations for the in-laws' arrival was left up to my dear sweet husband.

Who is awesome.

And has the patience of giants.

Cause giants have MASSIVE patience. Especially the giant doctors. They have giant patience for their patients.

But enough of the puns. My husband is awesome because he has cleaned the entire house. Because he has scrubbed the toilet, the bathroom floor and swept and mopped the entire house. He has retrieved our fold out table from a neighbor, set it up in the sunroom and migrated his entire office from the dining room table into said sunroom.

HE HAS GONE TO THE GROCERY STORE THREE TIMES IN THE LAST TWENTY-FOUR HOURS.

He's gone to Whole Foods, Kroger, and Harris Teeter. And NOW!

He's going with me to Super Target.

Because we need mixers.

For the drinks.

kroger : whole foods : harris teeter : super target

It's been TWO WEEKS since I was laid off. I have been gainfully employed for a week. Yeah, that's right. I landed a job one week after I was laid off.

I'm just as surprised as you are.

I spent one day in a funk.

Totally let the shock of it splash over me and did absolutely NOTHING for one whole day. Then I got up early, polished off my resume, rebuilt my portfolio, and applied to ten jobs. And since I am on umemployment, I wrote down everything. It helped when people started calling back, I could see what I had applied for at that company, et cetera.

I also registered with monster.com and careerbuilder.com and a local job site, so recruiters started contacting me as well. And I gave them all my info and sent them to search FOR me.

When people started emailing me about jobs, I was really aggressive with them - available as soon as they wanted to phone / interview / meet and followed up with people through whatever means they contacted me - if they called, I called back right away, if they emailed, I replied immediately.

And I got lucky.

Two internet marketing companies and two recruiting agencies were all looking for someone with my exact skill set. Hence I not only had job opportunities, but I was able to play them off of each other to negotiate a fantastic salary.

So yeah, be aggressive, apply to jobs EVERY SINGLE DAY, and follow up.

Even if you're not qualified, apply - because most companies would like to work with a less qualified more personable applicant than an over qualified BORE - you can teach some skills, you can't teach personality.

monster : career builder : craigslist

The Good:

- Wing Chun nine times a week.
- I can bang on the drums all day, if I wanna.
- I'm healthy (except for a few bruises from wing chun and a runny nose from the cold weather).
- I have time to work on Oss Design and NCDA projects I've been putting off because I had no time.
- I qualify for unemployment.
- The support from friends, family and acquaintances has been absolutely incredible and good for the soul. Thank you.
- I have Pontus. Who kicks ass. Who loves me.
- I have Zoe. Who is fuzzy and sweet and absolutely adorable.
- I have Cleo. Who sucks, but we still love her.
- I still have my brains. Unless zombies take over the world and then brains aren't good. It'd go straight down to the ugly list.
- I already have prospective employment. I'm holding my breath and crossing my fingers and hoping. Lots of hoping.

The Bad:

- I qualify for unemployment.
- I don't have a job. Yet.
- It's harder to get up in the morning when you don't HAVE TO get up by a certain time.
- I am my own motivation. Which takes work.

The Ugly:

- We don't have savings. Ramen noodles, anyone?
- We already cut the fat. There's no way to tighten our belts further.
- Depression is seeping through.

ruby on rails : drupal : wordpress : rdu wing chun school

The economy blows. (Mom skip to the next paragraph. Trust me.) The economy blows sweaty, nasty donkey balls of taint cheese. And you may not know anyone personally affected by the awesomeness of our inflated mortgage, bank crashing, unemployment rising circumstance.

Until now.

Hello, my name is Rain. And I'm unemployed.

A couple of weeks ago our company laid off four people because we effectively lost two clients. We started working from home. Everyone got five hours cut from their hourly income.

Yesterday we lost another client.

Today everyone else was laid off.

Shite.

Today is my in shock day. Where I realize that I am unemployed and, therefore, file for unemployment. Where I sleep in until noon and take a two hour lunch. Where I walked around Duke with Pontus and sipped a free green tea and focused on the positive aspects of no job. Where I try not to cry too much.

At the same time.

Obama is our new president.

Obama. Who will resolve the economic woes, provide health insurance for everyone (even the unemployed!), invigorate energy research, find the cure for cancer and save our souls.

I look forward to his presidency.

But right now I'm unemployed.

unlimited web solutions : north carolina unemployment : unemployment rates : barack obama

Now I don't.

I realize this may come as a shock for people who know me. And people who don't know me well, but only know of me. Or have heard of me. Or look at the domain name.

It's Rain's Dance .Com. I also own rainsdance.net and rainsdance.org. I own professioanldancer.net. I've got a dance bio page and a dance resume page over there. I've been dancing since I was fourteen. Earlier if you count the jumping around stuff I did as a kid.

But I don't want to dance anymore.

None.

No Butoh, no modern, no ballet, no jazz, no contemporary, no clubbin', no dance.

Why?

Am I sick? Possessed? Insane? Depressed? Smokin' the crack? Looney tunes?

Poisoned? Yeah, maybe poisoned.

I haven't been dancing for anyone else for a few months now and only barely dancing on my own, not taking any classes and no rehearsals. I've been programming. And going to SOLAR. And I started taking kung fu a few weeks ago. And I'm so happy, I can't tell you. I used to NOT want to go to rehearsals or class or performances - dreaded it, in fact. And now I don't have to, except one last time - in November.

And I'm so happy it hurts.

Dance isn't all that I am, it never has been, it's just been the easiest thing for people to relate to me for - I think that's why it's been harder for *other* people to accept. I haven't been happy with dance for, literally, years, but held onto it because it's what I've always done in, LITERALLY, *all* of my spare time. And my day job was always shite - to support my dance.

Now I love my day job and I love kung fu and I love not dancing. So yeah, I may be really really good at it and get great reviews and everyone *else* thinks I should be dancing, but I don't. I've *NEVER* made a living off of it and I haven't looked forward to a rehearsal, class, lesson, or performance in *years*, so it is without much ado that I say good bye.

Good bye dancer Rain.

Hello wing chun, programmer, larper, designer Rain.

Not to mention that I strongly associate dance with my years of instability. There's nothing like being incredibly creative and yet earning nothing for it - no money, no recognition, no forward progress in one's career because what is success in dance? Making money? Check. Making money on stage? Check. Good reviews? Check. National tours? Check. Happiness? Um... I have literally been insane for *YEARS*.

I have been stable since I went to Japan. Since I went to NYC. Since this year only.

What's different?

No dance.

This past weekend, I had a long talk with the producer of my 'final' show, The Early Worm Gets The Bird, slated to run November 7th and 8th. I don't want to do it. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't want to dance.

So it's off.

No more dance.

dance bio : dance resume : wing chun : solar

The economy being what it is these days, Pontus and I are tightening the belt and cutting the fat. And using as many cliches as possible, it seems.

So I researched some internet service providers in my area and found that I might get a better deal. Before going through the AWESOME of cancelling service, scheduling service with a new provider, et cetera, I contacted Time Warner.

Via chat.

tyesha: Thank you for choosing Time Warner Cable Sales as your provider of television entertainment and information. How may I help you today?

Kristin_: oh, hi tyesha!

Kristin_: I'd like to know if you have any internet service specials to match Embarq or Comcast at $19.95/month?

tyesha: Analyst has closed chat and left the room

Sweet.

Just freakin' sweet.

So then I call Time Warner and there's absolutely nothing they can do about the cable price. So I canceled our tv. And our internet.

Really. Freakin'. Sweet.

time warner cable : embarq : comcast : earthlink

After my wicked awesome plague of death last week, I'm back in the wing chun saddle as of Monday at ...6:30 in the morning.

I HAVE TO GET UP AT SIX TO MAKE IT TO CLASS ON TIME.

Ahem.

And let me tell you how awesome it is to go train Monday morning and then, on day two when you're soreness is at it's peak, go train on Wednesday morning. Super awesome.

We learned this kick defense thing yesterday. That's the offical Rain name of the step - kick defense thing - don't judge. A defense against a round house kick that involves both arms coming down on top of the aggressor's leg and the shin coming up underneath the aggressor's leg - making an effective scissor shield with your arms and one leg.

Yeah, description isn't my forte.

We wear pads, but sometimes a kick or a blow is particular fierce and goes RIGHT THROUGH THE PADDING.



(Right leg on the right. Right arm on the left.)

I'm a proud mama bear.

And as a little aside update - yeah, I'm still getting dizzy, but I wear my heart monitor during conditioning and slow down when it gets insane. Good times.

wing chun : the bike, the horse, the heart : cpx : the long and short of breathing

Hello, my name is Rain, and I've never voted.

Okay, not entirely true, I voted in the North Carolina Democratic primaries.

But I've been registered to vote since I was eighteen years old - fourteen years ago - and I didn't vote until this year. I never wanted to vote because I didn't want to make an uneducated, uninformed guess. And I never educated myself about the candidates and their respective issues because I didn't feel like my vote mattered.

But.

I promised a friend, back in February, that if the Democratic nominee wasn't decided by the time it was North Carolina's turn to vote, I'd vote. Around April I realized I'd have to vote, so I started researching Obama and Clinton on my own - watching the debates, reading articles on Fox and CNN and MSNBC, chatting with friends and relatives.

I voted for Obama.

Because, ultimately, Clinton and Obama held almost twin views on the issues that are important to me except for the war. It came down to the lies. The slime. The mud slingin'. Because the candidates were almost exactly the same, I was allowed to vote with my heart - for Obama.

Now let me be clear, I'm registered as Independent. I am morally democratic and fiscally republican. I'd most likely vote Libertarian if it weren't just throwing away a vote.

But.

It is.

Since the primaries, I've researched McCain and my views are still most closely aligned with Obama, so I'll be voting Obama in November.

But.

That doesn't mean you have to - nor does it mean I'm asking you to vote for Obama. I'm asking you to research the candidates. To register to vote. To make an informed decision. (Cue patriotic music and flag waving behind me.) To participate in our country's democratic freedom blah blah blah.

Because, truly, your voice matters.

And if you don't vote this November and the country goes downhill over the next four years?

I don't wanna hear it.

polito's swing state map : cnn election tracker : campaign issues : fact check .org : libertarian party

Do you know that if you get a lot of blood work done or a lot of IVs or whatnot that your veins will actually go hide? I think the mewling of the black and white kitten from almost two weeks ago scared off all the other cats because we haven't caught anyone since.

Until last night.

But before I show you Maurice, can I tell you how awesome it is to realize that a neighbor is sneaking into your yard, springing the cat trap so strays won't get caught and then putting DRY CAT FOOD all around the trap?

Can I?

Cause it's TOTALLY awesome.

In the not at all really creepy kind of way.

Yeah.

This is Maurice. The not even remotely like a cat, fierce, yet adorable opossum.



Durham Animal Shelter
2117 E. Club Blvd.
Durham, NC 27704
919-560-0640

black and white kitten : durham animal shelter : durham animal control : opossum

John Hannah and K Rain Leander present The Worm and The Bird NOVEMBER 7TH AND 8TH at 9pm at Eyedrum. The collaborative performance will consist of two shows -- The Worm on Friday and The Bird on Saturday -- featuring Leander's dance and Hannah's music and film. Each night will blend the arts of Butoh (a slow 'ugly' Japanese dance), experimental film, and music to create a singular experience.

Hannah, also known as 'Rajio', utilizes guitar based loops, found cassettes, no input mixing, and other sources to create sound that is part musique concrete and the lighter and darker side of drone. He has performed and collaborated with Suitcases, Afternoon Tea/Language of Men Dying, Warning Lights, Autistic Mother, Mythrum and others, as well as Leander herself. Hannah credits Leander with helping him to completely reanalyze the way he approached music when he watched her perform an excerpt of her evening length work, Beauty Cubed, at the American Dance Festival.

Leander's 'creepy' choreography and performances have drawn comparisons to renowned choreographer Shen Wei, with Byron Woods of the Independent Weekly naming one of her works one of the twenty-five most memorable in the Raleigh, Durham, Chapel Hill area. She is honored to return to Atlanta for this performance where she spent most of her early dance career with Ondine and Company and Beacon Dance, to name a few.

Both artists cordially invite you to become immersed in this experimental collaboration -- experience the film, dance, and music as unique and complimentary entities.

Eyedrum is a collective organization whose mission is to provide a forum which supports and encourages the development, exchange, and presentation of creative ideas. The goal of Eyedrum is to create a forum that serves and nourishes the multifaceted outgrowth in the contemporary cultural arts.

Performances are at 9pm NOVEMBER 7TH AND 8TH at Eyedrum 290 MLK Drive SE, Suite 8, Atlanta, GA. $7 tickets available at the door.

eyedrum : rajio : rain's dance group

Reposted from an update on facebook because I think everyone should read this. Or at least my mom who is the only person who actually reads my blog. Hi, Mom!

From Barack Obama
Yesterday at 11:57pm

The era of greed and irresponsibility on Wall Street and in Washington has created a financial crisis as profound as any we have faced since the Great Depression.

Congress and the President are debating a bailout of our financial institutions with a price tag of $700 billion or more in taxpayer dollars. We cannot underestimate our responsibility in taking such an enormous step.

Whatever shape our recovery plan takes, it must be guided by core principles of fairness, balance, and responsibility to one another.

Please sign on to show your support for an economic recovery plan based on the following:

• No Golden Parachutes -- Taxpayer dollars should not be used to reward the irresponsible Wall Street executives who helmed this disaster.
• Main Street, Not Just Wall Street -- Any bailout plan must include a payback strategy for taxpayers who are footing the bill and aid to innocent homeowners who are facing foreclosure.
• Bipartisan Oversight -- The staggering amount of taxpayer money involved demands a bipartisan board to ensure accountability and oversight.

Show your support and encourage your friends and family to join you:

http://my.barackobama.com/ourplan_facebook

The failed economic policies and the same corrupt culture that led us into this mess will not help get us out of it. We need to get to work immediately on reforming the broken government -- and the broken politics -- that allowed this crisis to happen in the first place.

And we have to understand that a recovery package is just the beginning. We have a plan that will guarantee our long-term prosperity -- including tax cuts for 95 percent of families, an economic stimulus package that creates millions of new jobs and leads us towards energy independence, and health care that is affordable to every American.

It won't be easy. The kind of change we're looking for never is.

But if we work together and stand by these principles, we can get through this crisis and emerge a stronger nation.

Thank you,

Barack

facebook : barack obama : vote for change : america votes

Totally got back on the bike. Or the horse. Or however you wanna call it.

Last night I laid out my clothes for kung fu, my clothes for work, my food for the day, and packed my laptop, my purse, and my backpack in preparation for this morning.

This morning when I got up at six.

Got up at six and had a mere twenty minutes to shower, get dressed, makeup / hair, and get my pretty butt out the door.

Success!

I arrived at kung fu this morning at SIX FORTY. Let me emphasize - SIX THE SUN HAS NOT YET RISEN FROM ITS FIERY GRAVE FORTY IN THE MORNING. Holy crap.

And while I didn't get to sign up or officially pay or get my tee shirts and pants, I did get to learn the twelve strikes (twelve different ways to hit a sand bag - holy crap my knuckles / wrist / fingertips / palm / hand / arm / elbow), practice the slapping / punching thing and learn a new block.

And then there was conditioning. Remember conditioning? Remember last time Rain did conditioning she passed out five minutes after she stopped? Yeah, that conditioning.

I also wore my heart monitor (the part that goes around my chest) for the entire two hours and slapped on the wrist part for conditioning.

Sure enough, towards the end my heart got fairly close to that icky one eighty five (my max heart rate wherein my heart decides to stop working properly), I backed off just enough to keep it around 170 and finished conditioning without quitting - not once.

And then I grabbed my Gatorade and laid down. And sipped Gatorade. And waited. And watched my heart rate recover. Around 130 I sat up, smiling.

HooHA, mother bitches - no fainting.

And I love mornings because I effectively had a private kung fu lesson with three teachers.

Hells, yesh.

Anyone else have that song stuck in their head?

Me, too.

everybody was kung fu fighting : getting back on the bike : wing chun school : that song

I fainted at the end of my very first wing chun kung fu class. And it wasn't even a full class - it was a free demonstration class. But I still fainted.

And sure, it's perfectly normal, but I have this heart thing and...

and...

At one point during the demonstration class Sifu told me that the biggest reason most people aren't successful at this martial art form (and really, you could apply this to life) is because adults don't like to get back on the bike after they embarrassingly fall off.

Kids get right back on the bike - no big deal.

Adults don't get back on the bike. Or the horse. Definitely not back on the horse. I mean, that's a living creature. And it just kicked yer ass.

Like in wing chun.

Except when I heard this particular bit of wisdom (and there were many that day), I thought to myself, "Psh. I don't mind falling down - I fall down all the time. That's not me."

But then I fainted at the end of class.

Fell off the bike.

So tomorrow morning I'm getting back on the bike.

Scary stuff.

everybody was kung fu fighting : wing chun school : how to ride a bike : get back on the horse

Yeah, that's right - fast as lightning. Or fast as a slug on a saltlick.

I researched this school, Wing Chung School in Raleigh North Carolina, about a year ago - right about the time I moved back from New York City. And had no money. And wasn't dancing.

Or maybe I was still dancing, but it was for Niki, finishing up the North Carolina Dance Festival.

But the point remains, I had no money and was still reeling from my awesome learning attitude I gained at UNCG - so I wasn't interested in spending money I didn't have and learning something new.

But!

A year later I have monies. Sort of.

And much more time due to no dancing.

And no more poison.

And so this morning at 9:45 I found myself waltzing into Wing Chun School for my free demonstration class. Maybe not so much waltzing as nervously walking, but the intention is the same. I was a little unprepared for the full body demonstration techniques (I haven't even signed a release form yet!) but it was wicked fierce. And I learned Sling Pau... or Sing Pow... or, um, right - I already forgot names. I learned how to slap and punch and why we aren't going to learn high kicks and standing and step slide and hooking and facing and posture and holy crap I learned a lot and it's oozing out my ears.

And then the last ten minutes (I think - but it felt like ETERNITY) we did strength training.

Now, we did really simple, really easy, moves - arms held straight out front for the shoulders, fingertips pointed directly in front, palms down, jerk fingertips to the ceiling bending at the wrists - BUT! A MILLION TIMES. A. MILLION. TIMES.

It literally felt like the air thickened. Like I was drowning in pudding and doing this exercise to save my life.

d00d.

Then we did this squating down as low as possible and jumping up as high as possible. Over and over and over and OVER. And over.

And over.

"TIME!"

I have never experienced a single word being pure sweet ambrosia to my ears, but heaven. Absolute heaven. We stopped.

I wheezed, proud of sticking through to the end. I hobbled over to my water and stretched my holy shit on a stick taxed muscles. I felt pretty good except for the ringing in my ears. Cause that's one of the first signs of the heart acting up. Or slowing down entirely too fast as the case may be. But otherwise I felt pretty good. Except I felt like I had to vomit.

And apparently I looked like it too because Sifu and other students asked me if I was okay.

"Oh, yeah, that was awesome. Totally kickass."

. . .

"Except I really do feel like I'm going to vomit."

. . .

"...maybe I should sit down for just a sec."

*sits down*

*passes out*

Thankfully Sifu caught me, put something under my head, propped up my legs on a bench, brought out a gatorade. I woke up almost instantly and apparently THIS IS PERFECTLY NORMAL.

Apparently most people either vomit or pass out after their first day at the school so no big deal. I explained the heart thing. Sifu promised today would be the worse day of my training. Unless I took a year off before coming back.

I am so going on Monday.

wing chun school : wing tsun australia : wing chun kung fu : bruce lee

We live on a street of renters, at least for the most part - we own our house and a few of our neighbors own theirs, but for the most part, renters.

I never really appreciated the difference between a renter and a home owner until I became a home owner, but that is an entirely different post.

Our immediately neighbors are all renters - to our left, right, and across the street - and our neighbors to the immediate right are leaving soon. We know this because the For Rent sign appeared in their front yard about two weeks ago.

We don't really care.

Except we do.

Because they've been feeding the strays in the neighborhood. The strays who were adorable little kittens a few months ago, but who now have kittens of their own. In our backyard.

I mean, it'd be one thing if they fed the strays and caught them and got them fixed or fed the strays and had every intention of taking them with them when they move. But they don't. And now we have a dozen stray cats of various and sundry experiences and age.

In our yard.

After much debate and worry about the future of a cat sent to the Durham Animal Shelter, we called the Durham Animal Control and asked about our options.

1. Do nothing.
2. Come to the Control center, get on the trap waiting list, let the cats be sent to the Shelter.

When the kittens had kittens, we marched our happy butts down to the Control center. Then returned home and yelled at our neighbors. We would've yelled at them before going, but they wouldn't answer the door. Awesome.

They agreed - they're not taking the cats, they're not fixing the cats, the best course of action is getting them to the Shelter while they're still cute wittle cuddly kitten cats.

This was Monday.

Last night I got home and there was the cat trap in front of our house. With a cat. A sadnesspants cat. An adorable cat. A cat mewling so sadly I almost let it out and threw away the trap. A cat that gave me sad dreams and made it rather difficult to leave for work this morning.

So I'm going to share.

Every time we catch a cat, you'll get a picture. And information on where to adopt said cat. And maybe you'll pass along that information and some of these cats will be rescued.



Durham Animal Shelter
http://www.apsofdurham.org/
2117 E. Club Blvd.
Durham, NC 27704
919-560-0640

Right. So.

The company I work for, Unlimited Web Solutions, is this kickass internet marketing firm that basically takes any service company (interior design, auto shipping, medical services, accounting, consulting, rehab, et cetera) from unknown to page one of the search engines.

And I normally don't brag, but DAMN we're good at what we do.

Just ask me.

Or, really, any of our clients, cause they're really happy with us.

But yeah, if you know anyone who's interested in internet marketing and is the kind of company to take out a one page ad in the yellow pages and either has or is willing to purchase a three year old domain, drop me an email because UWS will take you from obscurity to internet dominance.

More than a month ago, but less than two months ago, I started this healthy eating / exercising / actually taking control of my body / mind rather than lazily letting food and age and life have it's way with me. And while it hasn't been the strictest of diets nor the most of grueling of exercise plans, there has been progress.

And while I could spew the numbers:

bust 33
waist 27.5
hips 37
thighs 20.5 / 21
arms 10

The happiest accomplishment, by far, since I started this adventure, came yesterday in the form of a shopping trip to Old Navy. Old Navy, where sizes are larger than most stores, where sizes stroke the ego rather than smash confidence, where a kid can be a kid. Wait.

I found my favorite jeans there years ago and since they weren't any specific style, I couldn't find them again. Until a few months ago when I found The Sweetheart jeans. In size four.

Totally happy.

So when Pontus said he needed pants, we went shopping at Old Navy - cause (J and I once discussed how boys can just waltz into ON and pick up anything on sale and it looks great while girls have to hunt and struggle and fight for the rare gems that may or may not actually fit) he's found many of his pants on sale at Old Navy and I LOVE my one pair of jeans so I'm thinkin' I'll pick up two more of those, eh?

I wear a size two now.

Now that's what I call progress.

How did I get here you ask? I have a personal trainer that comes over every Monday morning before work, gives me a one hour intensive session and homework / goals for the week, I drink at least twelve glasses of water a day, during the week I eat strictly southbeach during my work day (only eat between 9-6) and on the weekends I indulge in things like a cup of oats with brown sugar, donut holes, and mac & cheese. And I write down everything.

It's like this strange mix of southbeach, French Women Don't Get Fat, and pure instinct. And it's working.

One-thirty-one, baby.

Six pounds to go.

Since I started this little adventure of exercise and healthy eating, I've been pretty consistent about one hundred thirty three pounds. Sometimes as high as one thirty five, but never lower than one thirty three.

Evil, consistent, one thirty-three.

Another friend of mine who's also been kicking ass and takin' names plateau'd at one seventy three. Another person added they were stuck on one eighty three. One's a thing, two's a coincidence, three's a trend. Or a curse.

The Curse of the Three's.

But!

My friend broke her curse, but four pounds! Go M! And I? I broke my curse, too! By one pound! For... one. day.

. . .

But if I can do it once, I can do it again, right? Right?!?

Except I hurt my knee, thank you very much. So now I have to get really creative while my knee heals - somehow get my heart rate between one twenty-five and one sixty-seven (fat burnin' zone, don't cha know) AND let my knee heal.

Stupid curse.

In the past week I have done one hundred fifty-six girl pushups, lateral raises, tricep dips, modified pull ups, bicep curls, squats and calf raises. I have done one hundred eighty core exercises for my upper, lower, and oblique abdominal muscle groups. I have run on the treadmill for exactly one hundred minutes. I have (mostly) stuck to phase one of the south beach diet.

I weigh one hundred thirty-three pounds. Exactly.

A week ago a friend of mine brought up my shiny new treadmill and observed that I seemed "more alive". He noted that the kitchen tupperware was immaculately organized along with the rest of the house (he even saw my closet - my beautifully organized closet) and commented that one's environment is usually a good indication of one's inner self.

Not just a reflection, but an influence. If I'm depressed, my house is a mess. If my house is a mess, I'm depressed. It can be a hideous downward spiral.

But!

If I'm happy, my house is clean and organized (even the closets and the tupperware). If my house is clean and organized, I'm happy. It's a wonderful, uplifting cycle.

So yeah, even though phase one ends tonight with my final carb-free, sugar-free recovery dinner (wh00t!), I look forward to maintaining my weight loss / eating right / exercising often / totally organized life and house / totally happy with life the universe and everything lifestyle.

Cause I'm happy.

And I hope you are, too.

By the by, I weighed in on Saturday and weighed a precise 138.0. This morning I weigh an exact 134.0. Four pounds gone! Go me!

I found freetrainers.com, uploaded my information, and they gave me a free workout program for strength training. I'm to exercise on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and rest on Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays. Theoretically, I'm to do four reps of 15, 15, 12, and 10 each, but when you're limited to lifting, pushing, or pulling yourself, well, you don't always get fifteen of anything, let alone ten.

But yeah! I've done it twice now!

Monday and Wednesday, I did pushups, side laterals, chins between chairs, can curls, dips behind the back, home squats, and calf raises. Also known as pushups, lats, chinups, bicep curls, tricep dips, squats and releves when I text my workout partner, Jacque, my accomplishments.

And I'm already seeing results - on Wednesday I was able to DO more and while part of me wants to push myself on Friday to do even more than that, my goal is to do as many as I completed on Wednesday. Because that's what freetrainers.com told me to do - 15 15 12 10 MWF.

I'm already cheating, though.

On Tuesday I totally went for an hour walk. I plan on doing it again today. And Saturday.

I'll rest on Sunday.

Like God.

It's day two of phase one south beach diet (part deaux) and I'm making chili. Or chilli. Or chile. Or whatever. With the beans and the beef and the tomatos and the chiles.

That stuff.

All the sbd chili recipes I found online had tons and tons of beans so I obliged and made my chili (chilli? chile?) thusly

- five cans of beans (two cans of great northern beans, one can of red kidney beans, one can of light red kidney beans, and one can of organic black beans)
- one can of peeled, diced tomatos (tomatoes?)
- one can of diced green chiles
- one can of diced jalepenos
- one can of tomatoes with chiles (for emphasis)
- ground cumin, chili powder, and chipotle chile pepper spices
- one pound of 93/7 ground beef
- one chunked onion
- one chunked green bell pepper
- one chunked yellow bell pepper

Sautee the onion, peppers and beef until soft / brown / whatever and mix it all together in the crockpot. Four hours later you have chili / chilli / chile for the rest of your natural life.

It's only hour one (three more to go!) but the sauce stuffs tastes REALLY good and spicy. When it's ready, I'll serve it with shredded mexican 2% cheeses.

Eat your heart out!

Jacque (close friend of mine who's healing from a serious stress fracture in the 319th in Basic Training at Lackland AFB) agreed to be my remote workout partner. The deal is that we're going to workout in our own way and text each other our accomplishments. Hence my text to her this "morning" (cause I just woke up at noon):

"slept in, but did 6 pushups, 34 tri-dips, 29 situps, 145 obliques, 124 flutters, 11 L releves, 12 R releves, & squat for 1:03. oy!"

For the uninitiated, tri-dips are tricep dips, obliques are diagonal crunches that work the, um, oblique abdominal muscles, and flutters is this awesome form of torture that Jacque taught me where you lie on your back, put your hands under your butt, raise your legs four inches in the air and kick up and down (whimper).

The *really* exciting thing about this text is that it's my "base". I pushed myself until I couldn't maintain proper alignment / form anymore and did everything in a row - no sets. This is so I know where I'm starting from in my workout "journey". I also took my measurements so I know that "base" as well.

weight 138.0 pounds
bust 34.0 inches
waist 29.0 inches
hips 38.5 inches
right thigh 21.5 inches
left thigh 21.0 inches
both arms 10.5 inches

And I measured my "base" flexibility as well by putting the stretch matt on the floor, sitting sideways with my butt on one edge and counting the number of wood panels I can reach past the other edge in whatever position.

butterfly 8 panels
backbend yes (I couldn't really measure this one...)
both angles 7 panels
hamstring L 10 panels
hamstring R 8 panels
vee 10 panels
together 9 panels

Notice the HUGE difference between the flexibility of my left leg versus my right? That's because I tore my right hamstring years ago and there's scar tissue now - awesome. My massage therapist has been informed and works it harder to get rid of it, so that should be better through stretching and massage work. If you decipher my code, angles are when you align your ankles over your knees in a sort of double pigeon position, vee is sitting with your legs straight out in a V position and together is sitting with both legs straight out in front of you.

Now that I have my "base", I can go somewhere and the sky's the limit, baby.

Alright, the gloves are off. I know I said just yesterday (the day before yesterday? earlier this week?) that I'm happy with my body and I eat what I want but screw THAT.

We (American women?) have to simultaneously do everything in our power to be fit, trim, lithe, and perfect and embrace ourselves because God made us perfect, just the way we are...

Whatever.

I have, for almost thirty-two years, embraced the "love my body whatever it looks like" attitude, mostly because it's easy. And my grandmother is Japanese. Go awesome metabolism.

Except it's starting to slow. Lots.

I say *almost* thirty-two years because a few months ago I started eating right. It was just before my birthday. I remember because everyone wanted to make me a cake or dessert or other edible thinger that I wouldn't have eaten. Cause I was hard core.

Not so much anymore.

But I have goals now, cause damnit, it's time to be aggressive. B-E aggressive! B! E! Agg! Ressive! Aggressive! Be aggressive!! !

Ahem.

I'm starting a workout journal with short- and long-term goals, food and exercise log, daily entries, and and and other healthy motivating stuffs. Thus far, my goals include (you might recognize these for 101 in 1001) ten handstand pushups in a row, triple pirouettes, proportional measurements, one hundred twenty-five pounds, and clear skin. Then we've got the awesomely vague goals of more energy, strength and flexibility and reduced body fat.

My equally vague plan includes the aforementioned workout journal, cardio, strength training, and yoga. I'm going to eat low glycemic index foodness, drink plenty of water, and possibly take supplements. Take hip hop, tap, yoga, pilates, gyrotonics, and drumming. And if I get wild and whacky, I might purchase an elliptical, get a gym membership, recruit a workout partner and hire a personal trainer.

So far?

I've eaten three donuts for dinner. And started my workout journal.

Here's to the new body.

Hello, World!

By definition a blog is updated daily. DAILY. So I guess this isn't technically a blog, then? Meh? I have all kinds of things on here that haven't been updated either - like my 101 in 1001 list.

Hello hi - trip to Japan.

I think it's because I'm working my ass off with a full time job that makes me incredibly happy and a part time freelance company that also makes me incredibly happy and filling the scant free time I do have with Pontus, catlings, and taking care of my body by eating well (ish) and exercising (sometimes).

A lot of people ask me about dance and performing, especially after I perform, and I reply with pretty much the same thing nowadays, "Oh, dance is my passionate hobby - I'm actually a programmer. And I *LOVE* it."

And it's true.

Who'da thunk it?

And in the eating news, I ate really really healthy for over a month and lost eight pounds (well, eleven at one point - for a day) maintaining a steady one-thirty-three. Then I had a show here in Durham and then a trip to Atlanta and then a show in Maryland and the healthy eatin's went bubye.

I ballooned up to one-thirty-eight.

Panic'd but addicted to carbs and sugars again, I ate mindfully, healthily, but nibbled the desserts and breads and lovies and I weigh a whopping...

...you ready for it?

One. Thirty. Five.

So the Leander house hold is eating... healthy ish. For now. Maybe I want to lose another ten pounds in the future, but for now I'm happy with the one-thirty-five.

And I'm ecstatic with the jobbie goodness.

It's a good life.

Working my ass off at a job I love while performing dance very little. S'good.

Last night was the dress rehearsal (with an audience - did I mention there was an audience? I might have, yes?) and except for two major music snaffoos, the evening went rather well.

Which makes me nervous.

The saying goes, "Bad dress rehearsal, great performance," meaning that if the dress rehearsal is poor, the performance will be great. So it stands to reason that if the dress rehearsal goes well, the performance will... not.

Hence the nervousness.

The parts that make me most nervous are the improvs, really. The parts where I don't have as much control over the other dancer(s) or over a prop or piece of fabric. There are a lot of those pieces in this performance - seeing as how the ENTIRE frame of the concert is improv, well, I'm just going to have to get over it, aren't I.

I'm very passive today, aren't I.

There's a show this weekend. Except it's not so much this weekend as TOMORROW and it's not so much tomorrow as TONIGHT.

Because the dress rehearsal is going to have an audience. An invite only two dollar donation audience, but an audience none-the-less. There's a question / answer session afterwards, too.

It's a little stressful.

Dress rehearsal is traditionally (for me) a time when I can mess up, make mistakes, iron out the final details, maybe not wear makeup. I feel out of body, disconnected, and rather overwhelmed because there will be strangers watching me mess up, make mistakes, iron out the details, and maybe not wear makeup.

I think after this is all over I'm going to sit down and write out exactly what needs to happen during a full show production if money's not a concern. Not that I'm going to produce another show in the future, mind you, but if I wanted to, I'd be more organized about it.

Because there are a few projects I'd like to do, but with a lot less stress. Maybe it'll all be worth it if a critic actually comes out. Maybe it'll all be worth it if we get paid "enough". Maybe it'll all be worth it when one stranger tells me they were "moved". Maybe it'll all be worth it when we're bowing and the audience is clapping on Saturday and the show's over. Maybe when it's Monday morning after load out.

Maybe not.

Last night, as I may have already mentioned because I makes me so very very happinesspants, I went grocery shopping and, unlike the last two weeks, picked up lovely delicacies like bulgar, whole wheat bread, kashi go lean cereal, and strawberries.

:: swoons ::

Last night Pontus demanded foods after he ate his two bowls of cereal and whined that there wasn't anything to eat in the house. He also admonished himself saying that it was exactly like when he lived at home with his parents.

It made me very happy.

Probably because I know how healthy Ulrika and Art are and a comparison to their foodstuffs, well, that's one of the highest compliments a health conscious girl could hope for.

But I digress.

I made him a sammich.

With lightly toasted homemade, fresh baked whole wheat bread, incredibly thinly sliced cucumber and tomato, pastrami, the tiniest blue cheese crumbles, baby romaine lettuce and a kiss of light mayo.

It looked so good I made two medium sammiches for him and a little one for myself. And it TASTED so good I made one for me for today's lunch.

AND IT WAS SO GOOD!! !

I'm eating strawberries - my first fruit in two weeks - and it's pure heaven. I almost can't take a moment to write this blog in between nummy munches of sweet sweet goodness. But I will.

For you.

This is my explanation of the southbeach diet - by no means a comprehensive or scientific explanation - just mine. The SBD is a low glycemic index eating regimen that trains you to eat healthy.

That's it.

Americans eat way too many sugars, carbohydrates and starches and so the first phase is aimed at 1) removing that addiction / craving / need for sugar / carb / starches and 2) kick start your weight loss.

During phase one you can only eat most veggies (no corn, carrots or peas - those are too starchy), incredibly lean meat, low-fat cheeses, skim milk, plain yogurt, legumes, and nuts.

Creativity and beauty was the key for me. And Emeril's Classic Essence.

That stuff will make any meat DIVINE. With BAM or something.

Pontus went away for a vacation to the Florida Keys and as soon as he left, I cleaned out the entire kitchen - pantry, fridge, freezer - and gave away / threw away any food that wasn't in the phase one specs. I went grocery shopping and bought all phase one foods - and for the next two weeks I ate nothing but phase one foods.

I will admit, we went out to brunch with friends this past Saturday and couldn't stick strictly to phase one. The cheese that came with my omelet wasn't low-fat and I had real bacon.

But the results were the same - I lost eight pounds in two weeks and I'm on to Phase Two! And I'm eating strawberries. So. Good. With one packet of fake sugar.

Absolute. Heaven.

south beach diet : south beach diet supercharged : recipe collection : wikipedia's definition

Two weeks ago I ate my very first South Beach Phase One dinner - string cheese, sugar-free jello, and a spoon full of peanut butter.

DON'T JUDGE ME!! !

Of course, after that my meals and even snacks got a lot better, a lot healthier, and a lot more FILLING than that first dinner, but the point is that - I FINISHED PHASE ONE!

Tonight I went grocery shopping and got lots of starches and fruits and whole grain thingsess and, for my very first phase TWO dinner, had exactly one cup kashi go lean cereal with exactly one cup skim milk.

So. Good.

I know, right?

I was going to write about auditioning for Cirque du Soleil, about going to Japan, about voting for the first time ever, about Jacque in basic training, about the amazing fantastic phenomenal job, about learning to eat healthy and losing weight and, well, see...

I've completely fallen out of the habit of writing.

I think I was better about this when I started the blog - I had a habit about it - write in this thing once a day. Now it's another reminder that Emily's gone.

Because this was her home page.

But before I go down that dark path, I'll sum up:

1. I'm still doing my dream job but with more money, more hours, more responsibility and they're hiring me an assistant.

2. I am doing the South Beach thing - just finished phase one today, moving on to phase two tonight after I hit the grocery store. I've always known how to eat healthy, but I never DID it. Now I'm doing it and I feel freakin' fantastic.

3. I voted Obama in the North Carolina primary. I promised a friend I would vote if the democratic nominee hadn't been decided before it got to NC and it wasn't, so I did. I started researching the two candidates back in March, paying attention to the debates and such, and I have to say, I'm way more impressed with Obama.

4. Jacque started usaf bmt at the end of April. She finishes mid-June which means she's *about* halfway through now? I miss her something fierce. Her going was unexpectedly difficult for me. I've moved my whole life and other people have moved in and out of my life - I'm surprised by how hard I took it. But I'm doing fine now and writing her every weekend.

5. I turn thirty-two on Saturday. Yay. It's not that I am not looking forward to turning another year older or whatnot, I just don't really care one way or the other about celebrating, if that makes sense. Especially if I can't eat cake.

6. I'm trying to be a better big sister. And daughter. And friend. I think I've got the wife thing down, but that's always a work in progress. I guess everything is, though, right?

I promise to write about all those other things eventually.

Give me time.

www.uwstraveltalk.com has been down for a few days, but it's up today and so I've posted two more articles and two more videos from our adventures in Japan. Kyoto kind of had it's ups and downs and internet access has gotten *really* limited, but we should be more regular until we return on the twenty-seventh.

Guess where we're headed tomorrow? Harajuku, baby.

Yattai!

It’s five in the morning back home, but not here. Here the time is six in the evening.

I’m in Tokyo, Japan.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. The journey over here was long and grueling and nothing can quite prepare you for such a long flight, except, perhaps, an article about flying to Japan.

Like this one.

While in Japan, Jacque and I are writers for a travel blog. We're to write six articles and create six vlogs (video blogs, for the uninitiated).

Most of our posts will go over there, with a few personal items over here, as I write them.

Tonight (12:30 a.m. already - oy) I posted our first vlog, Getting to Japan.

I'm a proud mama.

uws travel talk :: uws travel :: getting to japan

Right, so I'm keeping this one short because we need to go to bed as our morning tour starts at 9:30 in the morning and it's... almost midnight, according to my illustrious partner in crime, Jacque.

WE HAVE ARRIVED!! !

Safely and we've eaten locally (ramen and fried rice that was OH MY GOD incredible) and navigated the confusing streets and extensive train system and asked for directions four times and bought beer.

Really good beer.

Really good beer that costs less than $1.50.

And we learned a lot about flying twelve hours from Chicago to Tokyo (over alaska - we flew over freakin' alaska), mostly that it's okay to steal empty seats after everyone gets on the plane and sleep sleep sleep - and they give you free alcohol at the beginning of the flight - to make you drunk and docile and happy right away - and lots of food - they give you lots of food and drinks on long flights.

And if the vending machine drink says you'll need to shake it before drinking (furi furi) - IT'S NOT A DRINK, IT'S A GELATIN. No matter how good it smells, your brain will NOT get around the NON-drink that you are trying to consume.

Oyasuminasai!! !

(Good night!! !)

We're making final preparations for Japan tonight and all day tomorrow. Theoretically I'm going to work tomorrow, but it'll be a short day. I'm pretty sure my boss will kick me out of the office earlier than the two or three o'clock end time that I think I'm going to work until... if that makes sense.

Jacque and I are being hired by UWS Travel to post our travel experiences at www.uwstraveltalk.com - pretty kewl, hm? I'm a little tired and little flu-ie still, you'll pardon the seemingly randomness of these thoughts.

I'm still incredibly nervous about this trip. I think it still hasn't hit me that we're going. Y'know, in less than two days.

We still need to copy our passports and driver's license, I think we might dye our hair really funky, I still need to finalize my toiletries and pack my bag and realize WE'RE GOING TO JAPAN.

WE'RE GOING TO JAPAN!! !

AAAAAHHHHHH!! !

I don't think I've ever been as nervous about an audition as I was for cirque du soleil. I remember my first audition - for the local cast of Ballet West's Nutcracker. I wasn't nervous. I didn't know I was supposed to be nervous.

I got the part.

My second audition didn't go as well. I asked the professor why I didn't get the part. Because I did poorly at the audition. She knew I could perform, but my nerves got the best of me - hampered my skills at the audition. She advised me to audition as much as possible, for parts I wanted and parts I didn't want.

Auditions made me nervous.

But I auditioned over and over and over again, for small companies and huge productions, for Disney and SYTYCD and ANTM. I landed some parts. I got cut a lot. I turned down a few roles.

Through it all, a few facts emerged:

1. If I didn't care about the part, I wasn't nervous and I did well. If I really cared, my nerves reached up and throttled me stupid. Ergo, if I wanted it, I wasn't going to do well.

2. Everyone wants to see your personality. Disney just wants your personality to be larger than life while, say, local dance company X with diva director Y wants your personality to be you lite. The key is knowing which goes where.

3. Have your shit prepared. Do your research. If the audition requires a unitard, wear a unitard. If the audition requires a one minute prepared solo, have one preppped. And your music queued.

4. Bring a headshot and resume. Bring an extra headshot and resume.

5. Smile.

6. Make eye contact. I.e. - don't dance for the floor. LOOK UP!! !

7. If the judge(s) give you advice / feedback / tips, listen / take it to heart / do it.

Walking into this audition, I wanted the part more than anything in the world. I was as nervous as when I went skydiving. The second time. When I *KNEW* how scared I should be.

Terrified.

So terrified, in fact, that I waited until the day before to work on my solo. Waited until the last minute to put together my audition outfit. Printed the resume the night before and didn't bring an extra.

I was doomed.

It was amazing.

I had an absolute blast.

I've never been so nervous in my life, even before skydiving, but they did everything possible to get us to relax. I auditioned from two until eight thirty with a one hour lunch at six-fifteen. I made it past the first cuts, but not the second. They gave feedback as to why the cut everyone. The second round of people cut (including me) got individual feedback (I need to work on my rhythm). Without a doubt, it was the single best / most organized / amazing choreography / omg-I'm-sore audition I've ever experienced.

Even if I had made it all the way to the end, Cirque runs their casting like Disney - you're just doing it to earn a place in their database. So a contract could come within a month, it could come within year - it's just whenever someone gets hurt and / or they're building a new show.

In the end, I didn't realize I was supposed to show off my butoh during the specialized section cause they only said acro / hip hop / tappers - cause I'm dumn. The casting recruiter asked me why, I almost cried and asked if I could send in a video. He said yes, please, but still, work on my rhythm. And return to audition again in the future.

Well, hell yeah.

I was going to post the entire story this week once I was past last week's performance / audition / performance / wedding / recovery week from hell, but alas, I have the flu.

Good timing.

While I would like to think I'm all intelligent and calm and wise and stuff in this pop-culture world, in fact, the lyrics at the end of 8 mile screamed at me this evening:

You better lose yourself in the music, the moment
You own it, you better never let it go
You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo

It's about, duh, seizing the day. Carpe diem. Yeah.

Seriously.

My upcoming week? Performance Sunday, work full days Monday and Tuesday, audition for Cirque du Soleil on Wednesday and Thursday, performance Friday.

Seize the freakin' WEEK is more like it.

I started dancing when I was fourteen years old. I went to a private school with an incredible dance program. An incredible dance program with a uniform. For dance. Ballet was black leotard and pink tarts. Modern was a solid colored unitard.

I remember mine - shiny green, long sleeved. They called me jolly green giant. And gumby.

I was tiny in high school - same height - I weighed one hundred ten pounds.

Yeah. Skinny.

And I've always been this flexible. Wait, no, I'm more flexible now, but I've always been VERY flexible, even before Yin Yoga. Even before dance classes.

So it's my first week or so of dance classes. EVER.

I did a backbend.

I remember clearly now, because I was so confused, "You should be in Cirque du Soleil," my teacher admired.

"Who?" I hadn't heard of them.

I'm auditioning for them in less than ...five days.

Seize the day.

Recently I decided to take the same healthy knowledge I have about food for breakfast and apply it to the rest of my day.

BRILLIANT! I know.

So I picked up a copy of the South Beach Diet at the local library. I know what you're thinking - "DIET?!? YOU?!?"

Except that SBD just happens to have the word 'diet' in the title. It's actually a good way to live your life, the third phase, that is... I know next to nothing about losing weight, I just know what's healthy.

Except... I don't do what's healthy. I just know it.

STUPID! I know.

So now that I have a regimen, last night I made baby bell peppers stuffed with tuna salad with sugar-free jello for dessert and lots of water.

This morning I ate an egg cooked in a bit of evoo with mozzarella cheese and lots of water. I just ate a south beach living sweet nut creations roasted peanut bar for my morning snack.

For lunch I'm having ten cherry tomatoes, half a cup of fat-free cottage cheese, and a baby bell pepper (with lots of water). My afternoon snack is thirty pistachios and a stick of low-fat string cheese.

The basics of the first phase (which I may not stick to for longer than a week - I'm only going for around ten pounds lighter here) is to eat veggies, nuts, dairy, and protein ONLY.

Then add fruit back in along with some whole grain pastas and breads for phase two (which lasts until you reach your target weight) and then just eat right.

Really, it's just a matter of sticking to the healthy living that I already know how to do.

And lots of water.

In no particular order:

- I have a job. As a programmer. For a local online marketing firm. Thirty hours a week. With benefits. Including vacation and holidays and HEALTH INSURANCE. And I learn something new EVERY DAY. And I SMILE at work. AT WORK. I'm so very very thankful.

- Since I have said new job, I'm buying said new laptop. Or perhaps un-said new laptop. It's pretty, it's tiny, it's well out of my price range, but I'm getting it for within my price range because I have my connections. I'm so very very thankful.

- I'm leaving for Japan in four weeks and two days. IN FOUR WEEKS AND TWO DAYS. New jobbie job says I can work from Japan if I want. Or not, as I like it. Part time. Y'know, for a little extra monies. WHILE IN JAPAN. I'm so very very thankful.

- I got better. From that nasty cold thing I had last week? All better. I don't even realize I'm breathing anymore, I just do it. I'm so very very thankful.

- It's a good life. I'm so very very thankful.

unlimited web solutions :: asus laptop :: tour of japan :: ew, sick

Damn if that stuffed AND draining nose, congestion, cough, and general ookiness didn't just leap up and punch me in the face.

In the bad way.

I woke up this morning with more stuffed than normal sinuses and a sore throat, but a hot shower and lots of blowing the noses remedied the general malaise.

I even managed to drive out to Winston-Salem today, take technique and help teach repertoire.

But driving home?

Oy.

My ears started feeling off, my skin ooglie, my muscles started stiffening up - of course, my muscles always stiffen up after Winston-Salem, but I don't usually FEEL it AS it's happening. In general, the drive home was down hill. In the bad way.

Since I got home, I've started staring off into space. In the bad way. Sniffing too much. Sneezing. The good stuff.

Buckets and buckets of orange juice later... I've canceled my meetings and appointments and obligations for tomorrow (and tonight, actually - I'm the busy girl). Pontus is taking care of me.

Tomorrow I will sleep lots. And drink orange juice and water lots.

In the bad way.

the common cold :: wikipedia :: understanding the common cold :: chilling out with colds

day 01 :: travel :: fly to Japan

day 02 :: tokyo
day 03 :: tokyo
day 04 :: tokyo

day 05 :: kyoto
day 06 :: kyoto / nara
day 07 :: kyoto

day 08 :: miyajima island

day 09 :: hiroshima

day 10 :: return to tokyo

day 11 :: tokyo
day 12 :: tokyo
day 13 :: tokyo
day 14 :: tokyo
day 15 :: tokyo
day 16 :: tokyo

day 17 :: travel :: fly home

tokyo :: Tsukiji Fish Market, Nakamise-dori and Senso-ji Buddhist Temple, Tokyo City View, Ginza district, Kushiage, Nissan, BMW, Sony, Sumida River Cruise, Kaitenzushi, Meiji Shrine, Harajuku district, Shibuya district, Kabukicho district, shinjuku gyoen, kagurazaka district, tokyo tourism info

kyoto :: Ginkaku-ji Temple, Sanjusangendo Temple, Sannen-zaka slope, Higashiyama district, Kennen-ji Temple, Gion Geisha District, kyoto tourist information

miyajima :: ride the cable car to the top of the mountain, Itsukushima-jinja Shrine, grilled oysters, o-torii (floating gate)

nara :: todaiji temple

hiroshima :: Peace Memorial Museum and the Peace Memorial Park

japan rail pass :: 7 day pass :: $265.35ish
japan railways group
tokyo free guide :: volunteer guides of tokyo
kyoto free guide :: volunteer guides of kyoto

lodging :: tokyo :: sakura hostel (already booked 12-15)
tokyo :: manga kissa
tokyo :: capsule inn akihabara
kyoto :: heianbo ryokan
kyoto :: Oharanosato ryokan with hot springs
various :: japanese buddhist temple overnight
koyasan :: shukubo temple

We've almost reached the extent of my yin yoga positions - three more stretches and then, of course, the seated position to meditate. Of course. Like you've been thinking about that one. I'll tell you about how I kept falling asleep the first time I tried it when I dedicate an entire article to it, but for now, yeah - I realize the final seated meditation (sans stretching) has NOT been on your mind either.

Way to digress.

So THESE are variations on the runner's stretch, but a little more advanced instead of the variations on the pigeon pose which were a little easier. These positions stretch both of your hamstrings at once. Well, THIS position stretches both of your hamstrings at once. There's another position in the next article.

As always, breathe, ease into the position, stack your bones, stillness, et cetera et cetera onward and upward forever and ever amen.

In case you're just skipping straight to the advanced position - sit balanced on your sitz bones with both legs straight out in front of you. Lean over to your left and, using your right hand, raise your right hip / butt up, then sit back down even. Repeat to the other side. I know it sounds silly / gross / whatever, but this will actually deepen your stretch and facilitate flexibility. Normally when you sit down, you sit with your sitz bones (those knobby things in your butt) too close together.

Ahem.

Both knees and all ten toes (apologies to those that don't have all ten toes... or two knees?) need to point to the ceiling. I.e. - your legs are in parallel.

Then it's the standard "ease over to your comfort" speech - you can either stack your straight arms, rest on your elbows or bolsters or rest all the way over with your arms stretched beyond your feet.

Keep your legs straight. Or, as my dance teachers intone, "Think of length behind your knees." Either way, keep your legs straight. If your knees bend, you're too far over. Don't get discouraged if you can ONLY sit up with your legs out straight. Flexibility will come with practice. I promise.

Three to five minutes. Ease back up, shake your legs - YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THE OTHER SIDE! THERE IS NO OTHER SIDE!

Nice.

You'll notice (or maybe you won't... ha!) that my elbows *could* be down, but they're not. That's because I want more stretch (and maybe cause I'm a little masochistic, sure) so I keep them up to increase the stretch. But I also don't just leap out to that max stretch. I *ease* into it. It takes me about a full minute to ooze into it. I just try to move my hands in a meditative manner - with control, rather than fidgeting down - if that makes sense.

So THEN! Another option is to do the same double hamstring stretch, but with a little distance between your feet. But I can only fit five pictures in each article, so you'll have to wait.

Mwahaha.

yin yoga introduction

I just saw an advertisement for a grocery store based on cooking dinner on Easter Sunday.

Easter? Already? Yeah, already. According to our sponsors.

I looked it up.

Easter 2008 is March twenty-third.

And what is the significance of March twenty-third? Well, nothing specifically, except...

I'LL BE IN JAPAN!! !

I still need to study study study my Japanese. Finalize the route with Jacque. Decide whether we're going with the two week rail pass or staying in Tokyo for a week and getting a one week rail pass.

And we leave in a little over six weeks.

japan national tourist organization web site :: japan :: japan guide :: rail pass

As always, ease out of and into the postures, using your hands to push yourself up or to unroll and then using your hands to unfold / unbend your legs. Just a reminder. As I said, you can do these postures in any order, but I'm presenting them to you in the order that I practice them in AND that stretches opposing or nearly opposing muscle groups.

And we're on.. I don't know what this one is called, but it's a whole lot like the runner's stretch.

Sit balanced on your sitz bones with both legs straight out in front of you. Lean over to your left and, using your right hand, raise your right hip / butt up, then sit back down even. Repeat to the other side. I know it sounds silly / gross / whatever, but this will actually deepen your stretch and facilitate flexibility. Normally when you sit down, you sit with your sitz bones (those knobby things in your butt) too close together.

I'm going to have to make a video of that, aren't I. Awesome.

Okay, so, but on to the pose.

So this is one of the few poses that *really* increased my flexibility IN MY LATE TWENTIES. I didn't think that was possible. I thought only the wee ones (read - under teens) were all bendy and once you got out of, say HIGH SCHOOL, that was IT. Your body slowly decayed until nothingness. But no, this pose made me a believer of yoga, specifically yin yoga, cause woah. I have *never* been that flexible in this stretch and by the end of minute four, my forehead was on the FLOOR.

So you've done the spread the sitz bones thing, now take your MORE flexible leg, bend it at the knee, bring your heel as close as possible and let your leg relax out. Feel free to put a blanket or bolster underneath your knee to support it if your knee doesn't touch the floor. Ideally, the heel should be all the way up, y'know, THERE. Get as close as you can - it's all good.

Also ideally, keep your hips square to the mat and your toes and knee pointed to the ceiling.

Melt over to your comfort level (remember that you're staying here for three to five minutes, not ten seconds - maybe you don't melt to your max?), stack your bones if you need to and breathe. My head / torso tends to lie over my leg as if the other leg were there and I was lying evenly over both of them. In other words, I'm not perfectly over my extended leg. Also, I recommend easing over your less flexible leg first because you're going to sink way way way down over the first leg and going from the most flexible to the least flexible is almost depressing.

Three to five minutes later (lots of breathing, meditation and stillness) ease yourself out of the position by walking your hands back, pushing yourself back into sitting. I personally push my bent leg out to straight and then jiggle my legs lightly - yeah, the bent leg is going to be a bit stiff. I also unrotate my torso a bit (you've been stretching it towards the extended leg all this time, it's a little stiff) before bending the other leg and easing over.

Yes, you have to do the second side.

Also, as my kids pointed out the other day (I taught a master class last week - yin yoga - to the awesome students of Durham School of the Arts) your limbs might fall asleep. Typically the feet. Don't stop it. Unless you *really* want to - I don't because once they're asleep, they're just kind of numb. My kind of pure torture is when the limb starts to wake back up and does that painful / ticklish tingle thing? And you want me to sit still? And meditate?

WHATEVER.

yin yoga introduction

Okay, so you've just finished pigeon and normally frog goes here. But I forgot to have J take pictures of me in frog. So you're stuck with me surfing the net looking for suitable frog graphics. Plus frog is a ... let's just say not the most flattering position so maybe I don't want a picture of me doing frog on the internet, hm?

This, well, this is a dancer doing frog and, frankly, they're a lot more flexible than you or me. This is the goal of the stretch (hold for three to five minutes, breathe, stillness, meditation, you know the drill) but if you can't get there, here's a computer rendered place to start. You can't tell, but her feet are on the ground - that's important to get a stretch. If I were to try this stretch this way, my feet are off the ground because I don't have enough rotation. Ergo, I do this:

You want to feel this stretch in your inner thighs - from the groin to the knee. I put a lot of padding underneath my knees when I do this stretch. I also typically melt down into my back and that probably isn't the best practice - I've just got a freakishly long back.

You can get into it however you like, but *I* get onto my hands a knees careful to keep hips over knees (not too forward nor too back - hips over knees) and hands under shoulders. Then I replace my hands with my elbows so I'm on elbows and knees with the elbows carefully under the shoulders. Then slide the knees out - to the left and right respectively - carefully keeping the hips and the knees aligned front to back.

Remember that this is a three to five minute pose, not seconds, which is why you do this on carpet or padding - so you don't just slip right down into pure pain. Further, if you need / want to, you could do this pose with a pillow / blanket / bolster for support - underneath your pelvis.

You can either keep your feet together like the dancer in the first picture or apart like the second picture.

Remember to ease into and out of poses!

To escape this one, I push forward - using my arms to move my body forward until my legs are straight and I'm lying face down. Then I typically roll onto my back to breathe for a few seconds before moving into the next posture.

yin yoga introduction

I am performing with Niki in her company, Jwalk, on Friday. Hope you can make it!

Meredith College Dance presents
The North Carolina Dance Festival
January 24th-26th, 2008 | Jones Auditorium

Thursday, January 24th 7:00PM
Children's Festival
Local Youth Companies: SASSI Stompers (Clogging), Meredith Dance Theatre (Modern/Dance Theatre), NCT Conservatory Dance Company (Jazz), Orchesis Dance Theatre (Modern), Ruby Slippers Chinese Dance Club (Chinese Dance)

Friday, January 25 th 8:00PM
North Carolina Dance Festival
Touring Artists: Cara Hagan (Winston-Salem), Niki Juralewicz (Durham), Talani Torres (Raleigh), Caroline Calouche (Charlotte)
Local Artist: Meredith College Affiliate Artist Kathryn Ullom of Raleigh

Saturday, January 26 th 8:00PM
North Carolina Dance Festival
Touring Artists: alban elved dance company (Wilmington), Nelson Reyes (Asheville), Christina Tsoules Soriano (Winston-Salem), Heidi Godfrey (Greensboro)
Local Artist: Meredith College Affiliate Artist Kathryn Ullom of Raleigh

Meredith College Dance
3800 Hillsborough St.
Raleigh, NC 27607

www.meredith.edu/dance
Information: (919) 760-8015

Reservations: (919) 760-2840 or boxoffice@meredith.edu

Children's Festival: $5; NC Dance Festival: $10; three-day festival pass: $18

The NC Dance Festival is a project of the North Carolina Dance Project which received support from the North Carolina Arts Council, an agency funded by the State of North Carolina and the National Endowment for the Arts, which believes that a great nation deserves great art.

A dear friend of mine in Atlanta has found catlings and just couldn't, y'know, run them over.

He writes, These adorable kittens were found under my car a week before Thanksgiving, and sadly they're too old for our vet to take in for adoption.

All of these kittens are between 16-24 weeks old and are housebroken. Or whatever word you use to indicate that they use the cat-box, rather than the floor, for a bathroom. Our vet at Lilburn Animal Hospital checked them over and apparently their adult canine teeth are coming through, which confirms the age.

They are all female, and have healthy weights between 4 1/2 and 5 1/2 pounds, and are up to date with flea treatment.

Further, they tell me that those are two months ago, those pictures, the kittens are now six months-ish - we're doing shots and will happily pay for spay costs. well, anything that helps sweeten the deal

Cause right now they have SIX cats. And a HUGE dog. It's a bit too much. I'm sure that interstate transfer could be arranged as well.

Cause... SIX cats.

http://www.adopt-a-kitten.blogspot.com/

A special happy birthday to my girl, Jacque. We have laughed together, cried together, ate and drank together and faced death together.

skydiving :: january 4 2008 :: giraffe :: the cellar

In case you're like me (or worse) and simply can't take the heat of pigeon pose or the alternative with the square seated pose, stack your knees together.

As always, ease into the pose, don't forget to breathe, blah blah blah. If you can, lean over your legs, stack your bones - you know the drill.

After three to five minutes, use your hands to untwist your legs and then stack your knees with the *other* leg on top. Yes, you have to do the other side. Yes, there is another side. Yes, I accept bribes, but you still have to do the other side.

yin yoga introduction

Ready for more? I knew you were.

Remember the cat cow cat cow philosophy? We just bent backwards, it's time to bend fowards again. I typically sally forth to the pigeons, but this is where I reveal my wimpy wimpy wimpy side.

For literally years, I did the pigeon pose incorrectly. It was incredibly easy to do incorrectly, did nothing for me, and I could've stayed in that pose for HOURS.

Then a yogi corrected me and woah is me, I have seen the light. If you're doing pigeon correctly, the shin (lower leg bone) of your front leg is parallel to the front of the mat while your back leg is directly behind you, knee and toes directly to the floor - i.e. - parallel, not turned out.

I can't actually put the hip of the front leg on the mat without incredible tension, so don't look at how my back leg isn't perfect and I'm not quite ideal, but these pictures are starting points - be nice.

I typically start on my 'tighter' leg - it's just a psychological thing. For demonstrative purposes, though, I'm totally demonstrating on my flexible side.

Again, you can ease into an elbow position or further down over your front leg. Or stack your bones in an in between or not quite elbows - where ever you're comfortable.

But!

If you're like me and your rotaters (ass) are tight like mine, you can try this alternative. Again, ease into the position. The idea is to get both of your lower leg bones parallel to the front of the mat and relax your legs open much as possible. I may look like I'm just sitting there, but I feel it and if you don't believe me I WILL SO CUT YOU.

Remember to ease out of the pose after three to five minutes, using your hands to walk yourself to a seated position, and then use your hands under your knees to un-rotate your legs. Take a few breathes and then ease into the other side.

Yes, you have to do the other side, too.

yin yoga introduction

Again, with the Yin Yoga - honey, we've got DAYS of this stuff.

Let me remind you that if you haven't read the introduction, please review it before reading about today's pose. And insert a qualifier about how I'm not a certified yoga teacher nor a doctor and am not responsible if you hurt yourself. LISTEN TO YOUR BODY FIRST. Listen to me second. At least when it comes to yin yoga or until you get a source that resonates better for you.

Remember yesterday when I said you don't tend to do yin poses during yang yoga and vice versa? I didn't say that? Well, I meant to and I would've been LYING. Because there's today pose - cobra - and tomorrow's pose - pigeon. And, well, yesterday's pose, cobbler or butterfly - I've seen that one in yang yoga, too. The difference, of course, is that you hold them for three to five minutes, not three to five breathes.

The order of these poses is not set in stone (although I am giving them to you in the order that I tend to do them) except that it's a good idea to bend one way and then the other, back and forth. Yesterday we bent forward over our legs, today we'll bend back. Make sense? No? Damnit.

Think of it as doing cat cow cat cow except with legs. Better? No? Too bad.

Today we start facing down, hands by your shoulders, legs straight but relaxed behind us.

Ease yourself up into cobra. Again, the key here is to know your limits. Here's the version on your elbows.

And the version on your hands. For the hands, you need to stack your bones. Just like it sounds, you want to put your lower arm bones on top of your wrists, your upper arm bones on top of your lower arm bones, and your shoulders feel like you're hanging suspended between them. If that makes sense.

The idea is that you can effortlessly stay there for three to five minutes. If you need to, you can spread your hands out wider than your shoulders so that you form a tripod with your body as the third 'leg'. You can also move your hands further forward if it helps you balance. Experiment with placement and when you find it, chill.

Again, when the timer goes off or your song ends or you count to however high you're going to count or you're dying, 'walk' your hands / elbows in / down to ease yourself out of the position. Give yourself a few seconds to relax and then ease into the next position.

Oh, and remember to breathe. But, since I mentioned it, breathing in yin yoga isn't like breathing in yang yoga - you know that real noisy through the nose thing where you inhalf and exhale with each movement and such? It's more like the breathing you do in corpse pose. Just breathe. Quietly.

Y'know, as needed.

yin yoga introduction :: corpse pose

Begin with the palms of the feet together in "cobbler's pose" or legs in "butterfly". Don't pull your heels into yourself as close as they can go, this is a wide diamond pose (see image) with around ninety degrees in your knees. If that makes sense.

My phone conveniently snoozes for five minutes, so I typically set my alarm for five minutes when I'm in this position and then ease over. That way I don't have to watch a timer or anything and can just close my eyes and relax. I also have a series of three to five minute songs in a yin yoga playlist on my ipod, but that's been sitting in my car for months now.

So ease forward over your legs to your comfort level and then... chill.

Again, try not to fidget and try to meditate as best you can. I remember the first few times I tried yin yoga was in a studio and since I didn't want to move after I leaned over entirely too deep, I just screamed in my head until the instructor said soothingly, "..and now ease up..." - DON'T DO THAT. Take care of yourself.

After three to five minutes, ease out of the posture, using your hands to scoot back to sitting over your sitz bones. Use your hands to bring your knees to vertical and then ease into the next posture.

Which I'll post tomorrow.

yin yoga introduction

Two of my resolutions, check that, revolutions, are to give up caffeine (chocolate, coffee, hot cocoa, coke) and soda (root beer, sprite, coke). Oh, and breathing.

Because you might as well when you're giving up other VITAL resources.

In light of the chocolate covered cherries in the fridge, the breyer's mint chocolate chip ice cream in the freezer and the brownie mix in the pantry, I have opted not to give up caffeine. Yet.

Cause, as discussed with J earlier today, it is a CARDINAL SIN to throw away chocolate. Seriously. Look it up.

And then there's the giving up such an amazing comfort food right when I'm having trouble sleeping too much and dealing with cold and night during winter and such. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?

So tonight I made the brownies, in my way, with the hand fulls of mini marshmallows to make it extra OH MY GOD good. And washed it all down with a diet coke.

Because if you're going to break a goal, you might as well go all out. But no breathing.

Cause that'd be silliness.

brownie recipes :: mint chocolate chip ice cream :: chocolate for your health :: women and chocolate

Yin Yoga, well, she's a big subject.

The short version is that it's the other side of yoga - if you don't know the difference between yin and yang yoga, you're probably practicing yang yoga - ashtanga, hatha, vinyasa - these are all yang yoga.

Yin yoga is a seated meditation where postures are held for any length of time - one to twenty minutes - but normally between three and five minutes. These poses are really familiar to dancers, although we are more used to doing them after warming up the muscles and then we fidget and chat.

The idea is to chill. Sit. Still. Meditate.

I enjoy doing yin yoga then yang - I find it really deepens my practice although I will admit that I've only actually accomplished this once, maybe twice, in my life. I just don't usually have time to do both.

Over the next few days, I'll post pictures of a few of my favorite poses along with explanations and corrections (cause I don't do things perfectly - forgive).

These can be done pretty much in any order and are, by no means, a comprehensive list. Always remember that these are not RESTORATIVE poses - if you're injured, please heal before attempting this kind of yoga.

To begin, practice in a neat, clean area. Clutter is distracting for your mind and this is about meditation. I could write an entire article about meditation, but let's just keep it simple shall we? Imagine your mind is a puppy. (Stay with me, folks.) You're teaching the puppy to sit. Every time the puppy gets up to play, you gently pick the puppy up and place him back where he's supposed to be - just as your mind wanders, gently observe that you've wandered ("thinking") and try to return to stillness. I literally imagined a puppy for a while, but I've moved on to other imagery that works for me. Find what works best for you.

Further, I find that yin yoga works best on a pilates mat or layers of folded blankets, rather than a yoga mat. You don't need the particular stickiness of the yoga mat and your joints and bones will appreciate the padding, especially when you get into minute two... and beyond.

I also wear more than I would wear for regular yoga. A hat, more layers, gloves, and socks. Because you're seated and not moving and such - so it might get a little cold.

A dancer usually warms up the muscles before stretching them, you don't need to warm up your muscles because the idea here isn't to stretch the muscles, but to stretch the ligaments - the connective tissue. Be gentle!

Don't bounce. Ease into postures and then EASE out of them. Trust me, go light at first. You try not to fidget, but if you're in PAIN, ease back. Above all, listen to your body.

That said...

butterfly
cobra
pigeon
alternative pigeon
frog
runner's stretch

yin yoga .com :: yin yoga explained :: yin yoga :: meditation

Special thanks to my girl, J, for taking these pictures.

I just happened to attend the University of Southern Mississippi the years of 1994 until 1998.

Emily just happened to attend the same university a few years later and just happened to see me perform at an alumni concert.

We happened to move to Durham in August 2004.

Emily and I just happened to take dance class from Niki, but not on the same nights - she took Tuesday, I took Thursday.

But one week she happened to take on Thursday.

Niki just happened to correct me by name. "Sitz bones to heels, Rain."

Emily approached me, "Did you go to Southern Miss?"

"Why, yes. Yes, I did."

And thus began our years of dance together. I danced for her. She danced for me. Both of us for Niki.



We didn't see each other as much when Emily went back to school. I moved to New York City.

I moved back. She was done with her classes.

The Saturday before Christmas we had dinner together. We called another friend and migrated to the West End Wine bar. We caught up. We laughed. We made fun of people. We shivered in the cold.

Emily shared that she was focused in life. She'd decided to earn her PhD in psychology with a focus on women's studies and eating disorders. She wanted to do dance therapy. She loved the two classes she had just completed. She was excited about the spring - she'd applied for a research position at UNC and had another opportunity at Duke.

Emily looked radiant. Happy.

You were killed one week later.

But I saw you - so happy, so focused, so radiant. And I know you're kickin' ass and takin' names.

Because dynamite comes in small packages.

I know it's "resolutions" but these are so blow your mind woah that they're revolutions.

Or they're spinning.

Do it now.

Not tomorrow. Or next week. Or in an hour or so. Or right after I finish this Sudoku.

No caffeine.

I once gave up caffeine for lent and every day I would jerk 'awake' (like when you wake up late for class or work or prom and you feel like you're going to die? that.) and wonder if I had unconsciously eaten chocolate. On the third week of lent, I ate two chocolate chip cupcakes for lunch and when I jerked awake that afternoon realized what I'd done. Now I'm giving up caffeine for the whole year. We'll see.

FYI - caffeine is in chocolate, coke and coffee. Among other thingsess.

No sodas.

Won't be *that* hard. I already don't really drink sodas.

Lose fifteen pounds.

I know I don't look like I *need* to - I want to because that's my weight where I feel healthy. No eating disorders, promise.

Yoga or dance or rehearsal every day.

Or performance. Performance counts towards the movement thing. So far, I've got my Fridays and Sundays scheduled through the end of February.

No oxygen.

Alaska J says I might as well give up breathing, too, if I'm going to give up caffeine and soda. I'm thinking he's right. Pesky breathing.

wikipedia :: usa.gov :: about.com :: fun facts and figures

Okay, so I've been freelancing for a few years now. I always wince when I say that because while I've been freelancing for seven years (has it really been that long?) my portfolio and resume and skill set and such do NOT reflect one who has been freelancing as long as seven years. Seven years, seven years, seven years.

I've been doing it for rehearsal space. For a little extra cash. As a favor to a friend. Bits and pieces, here and there.

But that time is over - I'm bustin' out. (HA!) Not really bustin' so much as easing into the freelance world, earnin' my keep as best I can. The reality of it is that I'm still looking for a full time or part time job to supplement my freelance dream, but I've started thinking about my BRAND.

I always get the image of a cattle brand. Which is apt. Cause... that's where it comes from... but. I digress.

Further, I've been interested in dance technology for years and years, cause hello hi, dancer with the technology brain and all that jazz. To that end, I'm thinking I'd like to start a dance technology company or something along those lines. Such that my brand (ow) has something to do with dance or elegance or precision or movement or whatnot. And while I'll work with any type of client, dance or not, I specialize in dance tech stuffs and come from that world. So to speak.

With that in mind, what do you think of these names? Mull them over in your head. Say them aloud. Do they flow? What do you think of? Which do you like best? Do you have another suggestion? Help?

Initially, my musings brought Moving Design Studios, Precise Elegant Design, Leaping Design Stuidios, Rain's Designs. A friend suggested Moving In Design or Moving Design or Move -n- Design Studios and then another friend, J, really got me thinking.

See, the brand name should be easy to spell, easy to pronounce, short and memorable, have a relevant domain name and be reasonably unique... most of all, the name has to reflect my brand values which are precise elegant design.

But i'm thinking that if i have a focus on dance technology, while i may get a bit of type casting, i'd be VERY set apart as a different type of company. And "precise elegant design" is boring. As a title.

I'd like to subtly or overtly incorporate dance into the title.

What about incorporating Japanese into it? I am, after all, Japanese. Odoriko Designs. Possibly. Odoriko is 'dancer' in Japanese.

Hm.

What about companies like Xerox and MCSI and McKesson HBOC that have nothing to do with what they stand for, but the names have become staples in their industry? What about those names? Am I going to be big enough to be compared to AT&T? Nike?

Maybe. At the very least, shouldn't one leap for the stars? If I focus on just keeping ahead of the lowest denominator, won't I only be just above the lowest denominator? Alright, then.

In Japanese, odori means dance, sakui means design, and sutajio means studio. OSS.

Further, 'oss' sounds like 'us' which is how I work - you and I working together to produce the best design possible. I even work with clients who can't afford my full rates, bartering for services for non-profits and artists who would otherwise not have a web presence.

Everyone should have a web presence.

Oss Design.

brand identity guru :: freelance switch :: the brand called you :: brand .com

All I want for Christmas is to stop puking.

Oy.

I realize it's Christmas, not Thanksgiving, but damn, I'm thankful for a lot of things this holiday season.

- An interview with a prospective client ended with a money and bartering arrangement that's totally happy for both of us. I'm gainfully employed through March. With enough funds to cover my part of the bills.

- Another interview with another prospective client ended not as ideally, but I calculated my rate and stood by it and I'm rather proud of myself. Go me.

- I finalized an interview with a marketing company next Friday. I'd be doing web / graphic design in their multimedia department.

- I applied for a web content writer position with another company that I'd be PERFECT for - except for the pay. Maybe their benefits are good enough to overlook it. Or maybe the steady work.

Either way, besides the vomiting / fever / achy skin, I've received some amazing gifts this holiday season.

natural cold and flu defense :: thanksgiving :: how to be a rockstar freelancer :: wake up later .com

Often I procrastinate until the last minute.

So often that one might say it's the norm. I started papers due Monday morning at eight on Sunday evening. Tax returns are filed on April fifteenth every single year - whether or not we owe. We bought Christmas presents for the Leanders yesterday. We won't buy Christmas presents for each other or anyone else until after the new year, most likely.

But.

I'm thinking two thousand eight is going to be the year of the early bird. Of the do it now. Of the already done.

I bought my 2008 calender today.

I printed, filed, and sent my ADF application for the summer.

I'm choreographing two new solos to be performed at some point in the future - with two shows already tentatively booked on the horizon.

Two thousand eight is also going to be the year I figure out what the hell is going on with dance. And get a job as a web admin. That pays monies.

And I'm going to win the lottery.

Well.

american dance festival :: six week school :: 2008 catalog :: gallery leather

No sooner did I complains about the frustration of finding work at the end of the year ONLINE did I receive an email from a prospective client for a freelance web client, an interview and a job offer as a part-time web designer for a magic / costume / make up shop, and an email requesting an interview with a marketing company.

. . .

GEE, IT'S SUCH A HARD LIFE WITHOUT A MILLION DOLLARS!! !

:: waits ::

:: waits ::

I'm SO buying lottery tickets tonight.

still looking for work :: north carolina education lottery :: squeaky wheel :: job-hunt.org

No one has ever landed a job from online searches. Not on monster.com or careerbuilder.com or craigslist.org or anywhere else.

Except Vern and Trace and they don't count.

The problem with these sites, well, with monster and careerbuilder, is that it's nothing but recruiters who don't really look at your resume but send you their email / message / whatnot for a Sales Position (WE'LL TRAIN YOU AND GIVE YOU LOTS OF MONEY) that you don't want. A Sales Position in another state when you've clearly marked unwilling to relocate.

Because it'd be perfect for you.

Further, you get so frustrated looking for a job, any job, please god, I need a job, that you just start applying for anything. Even the stuff you're not exactly qualified for but wouldn't it be kewl to be the official Cupcake Taster of Disney World?

DAMN RIGHT IT WOULD.

Today I applied for a part time teller position (gotta feed the babies) for which I'm grossly over qualified, but for which, IF they hire me, they'll grossly under pay me. I know these things.

The thing with craigslist is that the jobs are fake. Nevermind that I landed my internship in NYC via craigslist within one hour of its posting. Okay, so maybe the jobs on craigslist are real, but ONLY A FEW OF THEM.

Most of them are just the same as monster and careerbuilder with a million sales positions or companies with unrealistic expectations like MUST BE EXPERT ABOUT ALL WEB AND GRAPHIC SOFTWARES AND WE'LL PAY YOU MINIMUM WAGE OR LESS.

At this point, I do believe that pan handlers are making more than me. Perhaps I should do my civic duty (what?), stop wasting all that water with showers and stand on a corner with my cardboard sign, "Dear Sir or Madam. If you can find it in your heart to lend a dime, I would be most grateful. Thank you ever so much. ~Rain."

Or.

WILL CODE FOR CUPCAKE.

monster :: careerbuilder :: craigslist :: artisan cupcake

It's the time again!

When we put aside our differences and bust out our thinking caps to help Rain apply for survivor. Seventeen.

:: crickets chirping ::

I know, I know. It makes for wonderful commentary, doesn't it? Thrilling articles of delight and wonder. Totally.

Jacque's already working on my video, but there are a few things I need to know from my friends.

Yes, you.

Okay, pretend.

Here are the questions, in no particular order, that I need your incredibly insightful wisdom and brilliant input.

How would your friends describe you? (Not how YOUR friends would describe YOU, but how YOU, as my friend, would describe ME. Duh.)

:: looks through the rest of the application ::

Oh.

Okay, well, that's the only question posed to my friends. Think well and long on it and get back to me verily. Or something.

But I have a question, too.

Part of the application process is making a three minute video. What would you suggest I include in said video? What makes me special?

survivor: china :: survivor 17 casting calls :: reality blurred :: the shitty blogs club

Little blessings have been raining down over the past few days. In no particular order (because that's how you like it):

- I received an 'A' in dance technology.

This was the last straw in the myriad of reasons why I withdrew from UNCG's MFA Dance program. I took an incomplete in this class, finished the work a month before the deadline and received an F. It took almost a full year to rectify the situation. I said rectify.

- My husband and I received two votes each in November 2006's Soil and Water District Supervisor general election.

I googled "rain leander". It's amazing the things you'll find over there. And, shockingly, http://rainsdance.com is not the number one listing for my name. At least it's on the first page, eh? Oh, wait. It's not. Actually, it's not even on the first few pages. Apparently, this blog is not the number one source about rain leander.

Ahem.

- I'm getting paid for a recently finished controversial contract.

I still don't have the paychecks in my hot little hands, but they sent an email saying the checks are in the mail. At least it's in writing.

- We may spend New Year's Eve in Atlanta after all.

Two friends of ours are not going to be in Texas for New Year's Eve. Which means we may spend our monies on a drive to Atlanta to see them and all of our other dear Georgia (say it with an accent - you know you wanna) friends. We'll see.

Hey, totally overhauled my design portfolio.

:: points to the link in the upper left corner ::

Still looking for work. If you know of anyone who's looking for a graphic / web designer in the Triangle area.

Just sayin'.

Ahem.

I'm totally too old now, but in case any of my fiercely loyal readers are interested in this sort of thing, I received this email JUST NOW. Can you feel the enthusiasm RIPPING through you?

Can you JUST?!?

SO YOU THINK YOU CAN DANCE 2008 AUDITIONS!!!!!

DALLAS, TEXAS: JANUARY 17
McFarlin Memorial Auditorium at Southern Methodist University
6405, Boaz Lane
Dallas, Texas, 75275

CHARLESTON, SOUTH CAROLINA: JANUARY 31
Charleston Music Hall
37 John Street
Charleston, South Carolina, 29403

WASHINGTON DC: FEBRUARY 21
Location TBD

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA: MARCH 6
The Orpheum Theatre
842 s. Broadway
Los Angeles, California, 90014

MILWAUKEE, WISCONSIN: MARCH 20
Milwaukee Theatre
400 W. Wisconsin Ave.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 53203

SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH: APRIL 3
Location TBD

*Casting is open to persons between the ages of 18 & 30 at the time of the auditions who are either U.S. Citizens, permanent residents of the U.S., or possess a current legal visa allowing them to seek employment in the US without restriction as to employer.