I Used To Dance
Now I don't.
I realize this may come as a shock for people who know me. And people who don't know me well, but only know of me. Or have heard of me. Or look at the domain name.
It's Rain's Dance .Com. I also own rainsdance.net and rainsdance.org. I own professioanldancer.net. I've got a dance bio page and a dance resume page over there. I've been dancing since I was fourteen. Earlier if you count the jumping around stuff I did as a kid.
But I don't want to dance anymore.
None.
No Butoh, no modern, no ballet, no jazz, no contemporary, no clubbin', no dance.
Why?
Am I sick? Possessed? Insane? Depressed? Smokin' the crack? Looney tunes?
Poisoned? Yeah, maybe poisoned.
I haven't been dancing for anyone else for a few months now and only barely dancing on my own, not taking any classes and no rehearsals. I've been programming. And going to SOLAR. And I started taking kung fu a few weeks ago. And I'm so happy, I can't tell you. I used to NOT want to go to rehearsals or class or performances - dreaded it, in fact. And now I don't have to, except one last time - in November.
And I'm so happy it hurts.
Dance isn't all that I am, it never has been, it's just been the easiest thing for people to relate to me for - I think that's why it's been harder for *other* people to accept. I haven't been happy with dance for, literally, years, but held onto it because it's what I've always done in, LITERALLY, *all* of my spare time. And my day job was always shite - to support my dance.
Now I love my day job and I love kung fu and I love not dancing. So yeah, I may be really really good at it and get great reviews and everyone *else* thinks I should be dancing, but I don't. I've *NEVER* made a living off of it and I haven't looked forward to a rehearsal, class, lesson, or performance in *years*, so it is without much ado that I say good bye.
Good bye dancer Rain.
Hello wing chun, programmer, larper, designer Rain.
Not to mention that I strongly associate dance with my years of instability. There's nothing like being incredibly creative and yet earning nothing for it - no money, no recognition, no forward progress in one's career because what is success in dance? Making money? Check. Making money on stage? Check. Good reviews? Check. National tours? Check. Happiness? Um... I have literally been insane for *YEARS*.
I have been stable since I went to Japan. Since I went to NYC. Since this year only.
What's different?
No dance.
This past weekend, I had a long talk with the producer of my 'final' show, The Early Worm Gets The Bird, slated to run November 7th and 8th. I don't want to do it. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't want to dance.
So it's off.
No more dance.
dance bio : dance resume : wing chun : solar